to dan

Dear Dan,
You might read this, you might not. I don’t know; of course the choice is entirely yours.

I’ve gone back and reread everything that I’ve written in my emails, journals and blog and none of it is untrue, none of it is unduly biased and none of it said to deliberately inflict hurt or injury on you. Especially after you said an open and honest relationship was what you wanted.

I’ve gone back and through prayer and contemplation examined my actions; none of them dishonorable, none of them hateful, none of them dishonest and none of them done to inflict hurt or injury on you and if you look deep and really think about it you know this is true.

I ask you now, examine your heart, ask yourself; why am I so angry and silent, ask yourself what has my anger and silence accomplished?

You are my brother and I love you. I am hopeful that you might find it prudent, useful and helpful to mend fences; you might find it wise to examine the shards of relationships strewn around you and start attempting to reach out and reconcile those relationships. It can be done, easily and without much effort. Pick up the phone; write a note, the signs have been given to you that it is ok to do so. If you haven’t picked up on those signs then I am telling you that it is ok to reach out too.

I cannot believe in my heart of hearts that you find it acceptable to be so estranged and so removed from your blood family. I cannot believe in my heart of hearts that you find it acceptable to believe that those who were with you from the beginning would act in ways to forsake you or intentionally damage you. I cannot believe in my heart of hearts that you are so angry and so hurt that you can’t write a simple note or make a simple telephone call to begin to work some of this out. I spent years looking out for you as my younger brother, making sure you caught the school bus, ran down the hill with you, drove you to school, encouraged you to come to ACC, hoped you’d come to ACC, was your roommate; all of this with your best interests at heart.

I beg you, please step back from your anger, silence and hurt and look deeply into all of this on your own, pray on it, roll it over, talk it over with a professional, unburden yourself of all of it and take the overtures that have been made and take the next step. This situation between “us” has been unraveling now for nearly a year but honestly do you think that this hasn’t weighed heavily on our minds for a long, long time. When impetuous decision have been made, and there have been plenty we have indeed rolled it around, batted it around, chewed on it, worried on it and prayed on it. We have always been hopeful that your best intentions and wishes would be served.

So there it is, the ball’s in your court, the ball is still in your court and some ten months later, some ten years later, I am still hoping for some answers, some discussion, some indication that you are willing to put aside what was and look ahead to what might be.

Love,
Michael