Musings from Durham NC: Same Sex Marriage

Musings from Durham NC: Same Sex Marriage: Me behind and John in front a different and happy time I am emotional. I think of all of the what ifs. I wonder about the future, my fut...

Same Sex Marriage

Me behind and John in front a different and happy time

I am emotional. I think of all of the what ifs. I wonder about the future, my future and whether or not it will continue to be solitary. A monumental social and legal shift has rekindled all of these thoughts.

The Supreme Court has ruled same sex marriage legal in all fifty United States.  I think John Boucvalt my deceased partner would be pleased. I wish he had lived to see the day. He didn't so his memory will be relegated to his time in history which ended too soon, fifteen years ago.

In this ever desensitized virtual world that we live in I am confronted with crass, rude and outrageous comments and commentary. From "family" God is still on the throne and we'll never accept this. My mind can't help substituting "this" with "you." So, I've decided that if some in my family cannot afford me the dignity of acceptance then, we're done. I won't tolerate this from my brother and his wife so I'm certainly not going to tolerate it from a cousin or a cousin's kid. I won't be rude or confrontational, I will just disappear and remember.  In media we are hearing of God fearing lunatics threatening self immolation.

Let me sum that up in one sentence: I will buy you the gas and matches, so go for it.

In thinking about my future, I wonder if all of this has happened too late in the game for me. In gay years I'm ancient and not many fellows from my era survived the plague or life in general. I came of age when it was accepted and applauded to think and even say all of the right people are dying of AIDS. When I look inside and reflect I see a man who is more and more set in his ways, one who enjoys his own company, one who enjoys his solitude and one who isn't making room for another person in his life. This man isn't lonely, just solitary much of the time.

So, my take away from all of this is that I'll be happy for the fight we fought and hopeful that young men and women who love someone of the same gender will have equal protection under the law and will marry and forge dynamic and joyful lives with one another.  And to my brothers and sisters who didn't live to see this day, rest in peace and thank you for fighting the good fight and paving the way. Thank you for fighting back at Stonewall, marching in Washington, selflessly giving time, money and other resources and love. Your sacrifices put the rainbow flag in the consciousness of the country and for that you are appreciated.