Matthew 25:46

Matthew 25:46 NIV

45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

I’ve been praying on silence, I’ve been praying on shunning, I’ve been reading a lot about both. There is Biblical basis for shunning, but the Bible provides for restoration. Of course, in the body of Christ, the practice of shunning requires belief in being 100% correct, otherwise when facing judgment the person practicing a shun will have to face Jesus and explain why they shunned him. The scripture says, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.

Truly if one shuns, they do not speak to or acknowledge Jesus and they do not attempt to reconcile to Jesus and his father? Communion with the body and the spirit are broken, torn, damaged and left to wither. Interestingly today as I drove back into town from Northern Durham and the Rougemont area, there was a sign in front of Northside Church of God which said, “Forgiveness leads to healing an angry heart.”

How apropos to what I’ve been chewing over in my mind. How free I feel when being able to forgive; it isn’t even the act of saying, “I forgive you.”

It is the mental comment that is the liberation. It is the ability to wake up in the middle of the night and say, “I forgive X for that, perhaps his decision or actions really had nothing to do with me.”

Once done, I feel restored to the body and spirit of Christ the Messiah.

A visit from an ex

Philippians 2:2-4 ©
Be united in your convictions and united in your love, with a common purpose and a common mind. There must be no competition among you, no conceit; but everybody is to be self-effacing. Always consider the other person to be better than yourself, so that nobody thinks of his own interests first but everybody thinks of other people’s interests instead.

About a month ago and out of the blue my "ex" dropped by very unexpectedly. We were a couple for about three years or so and when we split, when he moved out, the ties were really kind of severed. He didn't look back and I climbed into a bottle for a bit and pickled myself. The drinking was not his doing, don't get me wrong it was all mine, I did it, it was my problem and will hopefully stay "was." I work on that one each day. Some days are much harder than others.

Anyway, he dropped by out of the blue which is very uncharacteristic of him. He came in and talked. I did a lot of listening and I thought hearing. The stories, the tales, the happenings all about the same as four years ago when we ended. He seemed stuck. Then he just kind of dropped, hinted, that he was thinking about moving. We didn't spend any amount of time on it, like a breeze it passed faintly.

That was until three weeks later when I saw his address on our goal board at work. He had listed his home for sale with another agent in my office. I have no problem with that. I do have a problem with the visit and the whisper that he might move, the vague mention of an action. This is one of the reasons why we didn't work and what upsets me is that even after all of this time, in knowing this fellow, I still don't really hear him when he talks. I know that expecting him to just come out and say what he is going to do is a pipe dream, but frankly it would have been easier and far less anxiety causing for me had he not stopped by and just put his home up for sale.

Truthfully, I don't want his business, this isn't out of a dislike for him; but more for a like of myself and a wanting what's best for him. It is also out of a wanting what's best for my mental state and his. We didn't work as a couple, nearly from the beginning, I still really don't know how to "hear" exactly what it is he's saying and at this point in time I really don't think or expect that he will change how he says what needs to be said. This boils down to a relationship that really isn't one because the basic communication elements are missing.

to dan

Dear Dan,
You might read this, you might not. I don’t know; of course the choice is entirely yours.

I’ve gone back and reread everything that I’ve written in my emails, journals and blog and none of it is untrue, none of it is unduly biased and none of it said to deliberately inflict hurt or injury on you. Especially after you said an open and honest relationship was what you wanted.

I’ve gone back and through prayer and contemplation examined my actions; none of them dishonorable, none of them hateful, none of them dishonest and none of them done to inflict hurt or injury on you and if you look deep and really think about it you know this is true.

I ask you now, examine your heart, ask yourself; why am I so angry and silent, ask yourself what has my anger and silence accomplished?

You are my brother and I love you. I am hopeful that you might find it prudent, useful and helpful to mend fences; you might find it wise to examine the shards of relationships strewn around you and start attempting to reach out and reconcile those relationships. It can be done, easily and without much effort. Pick up the phone; write a note, the signs have been given to you that it is ok to do so. If you haven’t picked up on those signs then I am telling you that it is ok to reach out too.

I cannot believe in my heart of hearts that you find it acceptable to be so estranged and so removed from your blood family. I cannot believe in my heart of hearts that you find it acceptable to believe that those who were with you from the beginning would act in ways to forsake you or intentionally damage you. I cannot believe in my heart of hearts that you are so angry and so hurt that you can’t write a simple note or make a simple telephone call to begin to work some of this out. I spent years looking out for you as my younger brother, making sure you caught the school bus, ran down the hill with you, drove you to school, encouraged you to come to ACC, hoped you’d come to ACC, was your roommate; all of this with your best interests at heart.

I beg you, please step back from your anger, silence and hurt and look deeply into all of this on your own, pray on it, roll it over, talk it over with a professional, unburden yourself of all of it and take the overtures that have been made and take the next step. This situation between “us” has been unraveling now for nearly a year but honestly do you think that this hasn’t weighed heavily on our minds for a long, long time. When impetuous decision have been made, and there have been plenty we have indeed rolled it around, batted it around, chewed on it, worried on it and prayed on it. We have always been hopeful that your best intentions and wishes would be served.

So there it is, the ball’s in your court, the ball is still in your court and some ten months later, some ten years later, I am still hoping for some answers, some discussion, some indication that you are willing to put aside what was and look ahead to what might be.

Love,
Michael

Shedding anger's cloak and finding communion

Stop being mean, bad-tempered, and angry. Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving you because you belong to Christ.
Ephesians 4: 31-32 TLB

In rolling anger and angry feeling over and over in my mind and the motivations for those feelings; I have come to the conclusion that it is easy to stay in an angry place for a lot of people. It is very easy to let the happenings of day in and day out life to sour us; isn’t the saying, “People can be like wine, with age they either grow better or bitter.”

Truly if one is more than just a fan of Christ, but a follower of Christ then each and every day their life should grow sweeter and more forgiving and not bitter and any church, congregation, pastor or the like that teaches otherwise is fostering a disconnect from God and his saints. Our God isn't an angry God but a God of love and foregiveness.

In real estate I find this especially true, some of my clients for one reason or another leave me, hire another agent; and I could find it very easy to become angry with those clients or hateful to the “offending” agent but I try each day not to let that happen. I’m not perfect, I often feel as if I have to pray myself away from angry behavior. I’ll admit that sometimes I’m successful and other times not so much; it often depends on how much is piling up. I imagine that if I had to deal with work stresses and then go home and have a whole bunch of home stress or home drama or kid drama or shenanigans dumped on me; it wouldn’t be so easy to stay on the straight and narrow God path. I guess it would depend on how much help and support I was getting.

With respect to my family and what’s occurred over the past years. I could have let the words spoken to me, or often not; or the ignoring of my condition or situation; or the words spoken to my parents build up anger, hurt or rage in me. Truly I haven’t, I’ve said what I felt needed saying, I’ve acted in ways that according to my principals, morals and teachings that I deem appropriate; of course diligent prayer was also involved, and I acted in what I believed was the best interest of all parties. Now if that raised anger or feelings of condemnation or feelings of defensiveness and a belief that one had to rise to the challenge of defending some participant in all of this mess, well that’s ok too. If my actions mean that members of my family feel the need to cloister themselves away until they can come to terms with their feelings, well that’s all right too. Truly I have a keen understanding that there may never be a coming to terms; but that is beyond my control.

As in Ephesians, those feelings of anger, bad temper and dislike will take time to work out, or not. I will say this, it is very liberating to shed the cloak of anger and bad temper and forgive, but I do understand that feeling angry can feel as if it is comfortable, truly; that’s the Devil, a deception and a trick. God doesn’t want his children, his beloved angry; God knows that if they are foul then they are out of communion with him and all of his saints. God does equip us for dealing with this; he gives us patience, prayer and he gave us Christ on the cross, Christ who was tortured, dehumanized and killed yet he never became angry, he said, “Forgive them, they know not what they do.” What a fantastic model.

Looking for one's own advantage

1 Corinthians 10:24,31
Nobody should be looking for his own advantage, but everybody for the other man’s. Whatever you eat, whatever you drink, whatever you do at all, do it for the glory of God.

Today as I wander through my day I'll try to keep these verses in the front of my mind. I do find especially when working that I allow God to move out of my mind. I'll freely admit that for me God is easier to keep in focus when I'm quiet and not moving about. The reality is that God should be front and center especially when I'm not quiet.

I adore verse 24. These words ring so true in real estate. Clients and customers immediately clue in if one is not looking out for their best interests and will quickly shy away.

Neat way to live life I think.

Proverbs 17:22

Proverbs 17:22

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a downcast spirit dries up the bones.

So I’ve been thinking about the phrase, “stabbed in the back.” It seems to me that stabbed in the back would apply to deliberately setting out to hurt, harm or malign someone in. It would seem to me that “stabbed in the back” would apply to acting without foreknowledge, being sneaky, being maniacal; being less than truthful with respect to intentions. “Stabbing in the back” is not, acting with permission or invitation; that is simply acting.

Extrapolating “stabbed in the back” more; it is not lending aid and comfort to a person in need, even if that person is perceived as being defiant or having strayed from the fold. Our higher calling is to love and care for those in need. To react in anger in this situation is similar to how a child would behave. I’m fighting with Sally, I don’t care for Sally right now and if you were my friend, you wouldn’t be friends with Sally either. Here the actions of the child fighting with Sally are controlling and manipulative, we will exclude Sally because I’m angry at Sally at the moment and I will control you too by insisting that you not be friends with Sally. Together we will draw a circle and draw Sally out. Here is an interesting sidelight to that behavior, take note, you could just as easily find yourself in Sally’s shoes and be outcast if you don’t do as I say or wish. It is unacceptable above all else for you to “stab me in the back.”

Stabbing in the back is also hanging someone out to dry. I’ll behave poorly, boorishly and spew awful things but when called into account for my words and actions; well I’ll have to lay those words, actions and behaviors at the feet of someone else. I won’t take responsibility for my actions or words. Stabbing in the back is also whipping a situation into frenzy with whispers, stories and colorful tales and then sitting back and delighting in the outcome as others slug it out and take on the role of the bad guy, heavy or disciplinarian.

“Stabbed in the back” is not, telling the truth and offering sound advice. “Stabbed in the back” is not, asking permission and then acting accordingly. Similarly “stabbed in the back” is not, offering a potential solution to a problem. “Stabbed in the back” is not, asking how are you; this done so with concern and care. “Stabbed in the back” is not; praying for those is crisis and turmoil; that is love, care and compassion. “Stabbed in the back” is not; letting a loved one scream and yet not reacting with equal accord. “Stabbed in the back” is not; being friends with those on a “blacklist.” Finally to stand silently and listen to verve is compassion, concern and love; is not “stabbed in the back.

Splendor in solitude

It is September and the light is changing
I was able to spend most of my day on my own today. Building steps down the sea wall to the water this morning there was a grayness to the world. As I hammered the treads into the steps, Shrimp jumped and as I moved away from my project to get this or that from the barn, a Sea Gull would perch on the post for the stairs only to flutter away when I returned. This morning as I worked there was no one on the bay and there was no human sound except for me.

As I finished my work the sky cleared and the wind picked up, first from the west and then the north east. Once finished I sat on my steps listening to the bay lap against the bottom step and the sea wall. A pair of Osprey fished although I didn’t actually see them catch any fish, but their tell tale call alerted me to their presence. I must have sat on my steps for close to an hour studying the distant point in the bay, watching the birds and watching the fish and shrimp jump. It was only after this time that I realized that I wasn’t alone and that the world wasn’t quiet. There was a whole lot going on, it just so happened the activity wasn’t human.

After sitting in the sun for awhile I became hot and so I moved to the deck and sat covered by a pergola. The perspective sitting near the house, as opposed to directly on the bay was an interesting contrast and juxtaposition. The house in spite of no one being inside seemed to have a life and sounds of its own. The automatic systems kicking on and off much more abrupt than the wind or the sun moving from behind clouds. Nature is much more subtle. The pergola and mom’s flowers did give me pause to watch two yellow butterflies dance between potted flowers.

The morning was simple and quiet but truly filled with splendor. I’m glad that I sat and quietly listened to the bay, the birds and jumping fish. I’m glad that I felt the wind on my face. I’m happy that I retreated to the deck to really see the butterflies and I’m delighted that I let the lines of the distant point are now etched into my memory. Noticeably the light has changed, like summer fading, the sun’s rays today are on a less dramatic angle than a month ago. Summer is ebbing into fall and soon it will be too cool to sit on my steps at the water’s edge. The air and atmosphere seem to have an Orange glow to them. Sometimes I wish that I could have a million Carolina summers here on the coast. Saying this I realize on a very deep, primal level that a million summers here, nestled into a quiet corner of Carteret County wouldn’t nearly be enough time and no matter how much time I’d be given I truly believe that it would never be enough. I’ll close with this; I am grateful and thankful for the time that I’ve been blessed with. It is magn