2009 in Retrospect

No doubt about it there has been some drama this year. No doubt about it either, most of the family stuff has really calmed down; it couldn't help but calm down when there is no communication.

Happily "friends" who decided to intervene as a thoughtless mouth piece have dissolved away to simply parrot to themselves in isolation and in commune with their handler. So be it, what kind of clarity can come from that far out anyway; this is kind of akin to proclaiming the beauty of a flower on Maui from Pluto with a naked eye; impossible at best given the distance.

Joyously Julian will attend E.C. Glass High School in just a few short weeks. His studies finally caught up in a rather grueling semester and his community service nearly complete. He has a job too and was delightful company at Thanksgiving. He and Carole got along like long lost friends. We'll work on getting Julian graduated from high school and then hopefully into NC State or North Carolina Central University or where ever he chooses to go. Those will be his choices as an adult man. We are thankful to the kindness of strangers who paid his legal fees and kept him out of potentially multiple forms of incarceration; the least of which potentially the worst.

In thinking through the lessons of the year and rolling so much of it over with mom and dad from time to time, there is a kind of crystalline clarity on our part that has evolved; this around lessons learned. On Christmas day we talked about children and what they learn from observing their parents; and the question that came to all of us was; is it ok to teach a child that if they disagree with someone and that persons choices that it is ok to cut all communication and support; is it ok to shun and disown? Of course not, children learn what they see.

To take that course of action telegraphs to all of the children involved, that someday down the road, when that adult child has a disagreement with a parent or siblings, coworkers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, they can then walk away and wash their hands of it. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This doesn't always mean tit for tat, this can mean, you reap what you sow. Cast those destructive seeds on the land and someday that might be your unwanted harvest.

We also chewed on the apology, "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

This isn't an apology. This isn't I regret what I've said; it is a deliberate dodge at accountability and amends. Of course we figured that one out on the night it was said.

We've also chewed on the accusations that "You went public with the problems." Uh?
To which my response is, so what? Nothing good can come of covering up a problem, not discussing a problem, pretending there is no problem. Truly for a long time I was guilty of not addressing problems and look to where it has lead us. At its core to pretend to play nice at hopes of modeling appropriate behaviors in most instances just doesn't work especially with a bully. Truly to put on a farce of happy harmony, cohesion and bliss while being bullied is shameful and so that ship has sailed, that sun has set, that dog has gone hunting and in the future if presented with that scenario it will be addressed immediately with fair honest boundaries and accountability. If never presented, well that will be a shame.

In retrospect learning these lessons this year has been painful but it is also liberating. It is liberating to stand firm and face one's problems and not move away from them, or isolate them or hide from them, or ignore them, or not address them or not correct them. It is liberating to realize that the problems, issues, hostility, anger and derision are not your making. It is liberating to realize that one was invited in to participate in a discussion and yet when the discussion got too real, too honest and too close for comfort that the relationship was closed down. It is liberating to understand that none of this has anything whatever to do with what I am but simply because I am.

It is also most liberating to formulate a plan for resolution of a problem and then inform all parties clearly what that plan is and then execute said plan. There can be no surprise when that plan; say for procuring documents and paperwork; is put into action. Clearly, I said what I was going to do and I did it; where is the surprise in all of that. I did what I said and said what I did; isn't that honest? I think so, nothing came out of the blue, it was laid out there in black and white ahead of time.

Finally it is liberating to realize that perhaps I'm not crazy or off base, that there are others who have noticed, who have experienced, who have taken note of, who have been uncomfortable with exactly the same issues and behavior that have set me on edge for far too long and for the foreseeable future will be held off at a silent distance. It is liberating to realize that it is none of my business what other's opinions of me are and with that said, bring on 2010, life is great, today is a gift and I'll live each day like its my last but plan like I'll live forever.

A stop in Kinston

I enjoy my drive up from Otway especially in the colder months. There is little traffic and the ride gives me time to think and ponder. Truthfully, Otway all in all gives me time to ponder. There is no phone in the house, no television; just me, my books, my journal and my cat. The Chairman on this last visit was missing in action most of the time, he found a comfortable shelf in the linen closet to sleep on.

I typically stop in Kinston on my way up to Durham. It is about half way, I'm usually hungry, the car yesterday needed gas and I needed a restroom. On highway 70 at its junction with highway 58 there is a Dixon Foods McDonald's. I stop there because it's on the right; I don't like crossing five lanes of traffic; and I used to work for them and have many happy memories of the experience. I still dream about managing a McDonald's.

I gassed the car next door, visited the restroom and then moved to order a snack and coffee.

"Whatever you neglected to do unto one of these least of these, you neglected to do unto Me!" Matthew 25

The lady working the register was sweet and shy. She didn't make eye contact immediately, so I peppered her with some pleases and thank yous. This caused her to look up and I met her gaze with a smile.

She said, "You are so nice."

This comment came with complete shock and surprise in her voice. Since it was just after ten in the morning and I'm pretty sure the shifts haven't changed in the restaurant too much, this worker most likely started working yesterday at either six or seven am. My point here is for either three or four hours perhaps no one of noticeable nice had presented at this lady's cash register. Of course I'm assuming but maybe not.

What does it cost us to be nice? Where is the expense in it? Truly there is none. We simply step a little aside and let a little of Christ's light shine trough us. It costs us nothing because Jesus already paid the price.

I'm not saying he lied, but I'm not going back

He is very gifted and talented and has built a huge dynamic church and congregation and I truly do admire him, but I won't be going back. I also won't name him by name here.

To sit in the congregation and listen to one's pastor lash out at "homosexual" relationships when the topic doesn't pertain to nearly one hundred percent of the congregants is unfair and mean spirited. Furthermore, when that pastor doesn't take it all a step further and tell the real Biblical meanings, stories and translations is academically disingenuous and unfair to those assembled who rely on him for enlightenment.

Oh, I am well aware that one of the first places that nearly all who bash with scripture run is the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. This is a story of in hospitality, assault and rape. Heck, Lot even offers his daughters to the crowd to spare the angels. Rarely is this fact discussed in church, most stop at the "know" verse and never wrap it up.

If one carefully examines the rest of the bashing scriptures and translations what we find are lots of references to ritualized temple sex, rape, prostitution, orgies and child abuse. Those who bash rarely get to the meat of scripture and they know that their flocks won't dive in and discover. The words are the words, end of the story.

I am not condoning many of the behaviors that we find in the gay community or even the straight community for that matter. There is a whole lot in the club culture that is dangerous and wrong but in order to reach those participating we must do so with love, care, compassion and an appreciation of what it is like to be young. To slam them with scripture chases them in the wrong direction and paints the larger church as narrow minded haters.

Truly though, I don't desire a place to worship where anything goes and the drum has one constant beat; there is so much more depth to the human spirit than sex and sexual attraction. The pulpit is the perfect place to illustrate the perfect love of God and Christ.

So, my journey continues, I've started attending at another church where the pastor and I are on an honest footing from the beginning. To my discredit, I didn't do this at the last place and should have, perhaps then I would have known before I started investing. At the new church, the pastor says that being what I am is perhaps not the best choice, but it is what it is; I paraphrase of course; with the recognition here that my choice for the time being is one of chastity.

Christmas

Advent is upon us and it is one of my favorite seasons. In reading some blogs today on the subject; it is clear to me that the subject can be a bit touchy. Why would any follower of Christ get twisted over decorations on the town square, in stores or anywhere else in the world during this season? Why would they get twisted over the term "holiday tree" as opposed to Christmas Tree?

You see, here's where I go to the authority on the matter. The Bible and in it there is no Nativity scene as we know it from our modern displays. Human kind has made that up. There certainly is no decorated pine tree with glittering lights and sparkling bulbs, we made that up too as a symbol of the holiday. Truly I am at a loss to find inflatable Santas or Santas in any fashion and the Grinch is missing in action too; just not found in the Bible.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with any or all of those display items, the trees, the Santas, the Grinches, the Nativity scenes, I love them all. My point is there is no Biblical basis and since that is lacking then this really isn't an attack on Christian thought when some object to the displays.

As a matter of fact and a matter of good taste, it might not be too much of a stretch if Christians opposed the all out, put up as much as you can for as long as you can, tacky consumerism that the Christmas holiday season has become. All too often I think that we followers forget that this season is about God's gift to all of humanity sent for rebirth, redemption and salvation.