Where do we go now? We're just spinning our wheels

I wonder who’s laughing and I wonder who’s delighted? I'm not laughing I'm too sad, neither is mom or dad. I doubt my brother is. Us, the four of us, always unified, always generous with one another, now terribly not, now broken and at least one of us livid beyond belief. It seems that for now Julian has been rescued from the criminal justice system, this is a thankful event. He is also living in a good and decent place, well at least for him; thank goodness for the kindness of others, it was after all his decision as an eighteen year old adult to move on. It was his “parents” decision to state that they would offer no support or assistance to this young man. That statement was verbally made and made in writing. So what is one to do when one is fond of someone being cast off for not toeing the line? Thank goodness to the unrelated folks paid for Julian's lawyer, so generous and giving.

I pray for Julian, he’s going to have a tough row to hoe and he’s going to have some difficult life decisions to make and right now he needs help in getting there. He needs educational help, psychological help and emotional help. With care and coaching, prayer and diligence and a watchful eye, perhaps he’ll be ok. I think that I can speak for my parents when I say, all three of us are grateful that Julian, Annie and Harriet asked for our help. Julian’s attorney handled the document request after his court hearing on Thursday, but much to the detriment of our family relationships. The perception has been that my folks orchestrated the whole event with the attorney from three hundred miles away. This is an attorney that they’d never spoken to or interacted with until this past Thursday. Oh well not much can be said to allay that misconception. When one is being broad stroked with the wrong brush, nothing can be done. Funny thing is mom and dad asked my brother and his wife if they could attend the court hearing; mom and dad even asked if there would be a problem and were told no, no problem; but of course this was all stated during a very strange and hostile visit, so maybe memories are clouded.

I on the other hand am a different story. Julian asked for my help.
I will freely admit that I attempted to broker the “easy” solution to the question of Julian’s documents weeks ago, by appealing directly to my brother and his ability to reason; but to no avail. When individuals are so convinced that at all costs that they are right and that there is only one solution, then brokerage is impossible. Brokerage is also quit impossible when the one offering a possible solution is considered a pariah or an interfering, hateful rebel who himself won’t acquiesce. But you see none of this could be further from the truth and is quite illogical. I truly don’t have the time to waste interfering; if a problem needs solving, in my work and in my life, I just do it. I weigh the costs and benefits and act appropriately.

Of course it is easy to fail when others are intent on manipulation and perhaps outright destruction of a young man’s spirit. Over and over in my mind, I keep wondering, what could be the goal of bringing Julian to heel. Why was it so important to destroy his chance at redemption and keeping him out of jail, first by offering no assistance, then perhaps by stonewalling the process and finally by holding his rightful documents and possessions hostage? What could the hoped for end result be? Could it be that Julian is the handiest tool at hand to drive the final wedge between me, my brother and my folks? I don’t know, I can only guess based on very limited communication and examination of recent events and actions. Another question; why would any rational, caring, compassionate follower of Christ the Messiah refuse to give a young man papers,documents and opportunity that he requires to get into a decent and competent school? Why would this young man be stonewalled? It is illogical and irrational at best.

Here is a reality to the entire situation, like it or not. Julian asked for my assistance with respect to his recent brush with the law. According to my mom and dad Julian asked for their help too. So with that said, we didn’t interfere, we were invited to participate in Julian’s life and problems. With respect to Julian’s documents, we did not interfere, we were invited by Julian to participate, he asked for our assistance and we agreed. This horrible, heart breaking and disturbing family episode had nothing whatever to do with “us,” but did and does have a whole lot to do with preventing a young man of color from being gobbled up and destroyed by the US criminal justice system. This entire situation is about Julian, not the adults. Here is another reality to this situation, Julian is where he is now and we have to make the best of it. Gnashing our teeth an whining that we've been "stabbed" in the back is silly and offers no solution to the situation at hand, it simply puts the focus where it doesn't need to be. Vilifying others for helping does the same, it clouds the issues at hand and unfocuses the work to be done. In my observations though, this is typical behavior, throw up enough chaff and everyone becomes distracted.

Similarly all involved should remember when dealing with the human dynamic and family, that we don’t always get our own way and we don’t always get what we want and no amount of screaming and anger and shrieking and verve will accomplish our desires. We should also remember from whence we came and that painting us as lying manipulators is fallacy, there simply is no record of such behavior in our long history together. How does one even begin to make that leap? I’m at a loss. I also think that quiet contemplative time needs to be spent in reflection asking; why was I the only person screaming and who was delighted by this outcome and perhaps who has been manipulating this situation into the mess that it is?