Sin and Forgiveness

If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.Matthew 6:14-15

Sin and Forgiveness

One of my very best, albeit most difficult friends in the world truly has issues with forgiveness, I might even go onto say that she doesn’t even have a clue as to how to forgive. This could be said of herself first and then those with which she interacts. Unfortunately, I see this cycle of behavior as being very self destructive and venomous to her. Furthermore, I am ill prepared because of our close relationship to help her out of where she is.

For several years I have attempted to help my friend find her way. As my faith journey began it was aid offered first in conversations of grace, love, joy and forgiveness. However, the longer these conversations went on the more intractable she became toward the topics and the more frustrated I became with her claims that she couldn’t change because she was too old and had too much invested in this cycle of behavior. The truth is that she refuses to change; she has made a choice not to change. I think this is because her anger and bitterness are her snug harbor and safe haven. They consume and envelop her; they are a poisonous security blanket. They color each and every aspect of her life and all interactions that she has with other people. The anger and bitterness she cleaves to are so comfortable to her that I believe she can’t even recognize them.

The sad reality of this anger and bitterness is; she through her words and actions and victim mentality has driven every close friend, partner or spouse away from her. Her anger has colored her relations with family too. Now because of my very close relationship with this woman; I find myself driven away too. So, I’m in mourning to a degree. The mourning of this relationship is very different from the other relationships that I’ve lost because the evolution of this death is not complete. I’m plagued now with doubt and worry. I see my friend moving away from me, something that I now see that she’s wanted for a very long time and my desire not to let her leave has created an abundance of tension for both of us.

So, today while praying on this situation, I came to this verse in Matthew.

If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.Matthew 6:14-15

I hold that one can substitute the word, wound or hurt or insult or slight for the word sin. I think as a person of faith and a believer in Christ and Christ’s path that I must do this. I have attempted to do so in all instances. This as it turns has been one of the wedges driving between my friend and me. What drew us together initially was the fact that at our core we are fundamentally damaged people. We could stand outside work and smoke, and complain and suck the flavor out of any joyous situation we to delight in not forgiving others and discussed this openly. In common we had a thread of negativity so thick it couldn’t be cut with a sword. In reflection I know this now about myself, years ago my father said to me that he thought I enjoyed being angry. At the time I was furious with him…isn’t that all too telling. I can now smile when I think about how brave dad was to say that to me.

I made a decision not to be an angry person. I made a decision to say to myself each day that God would do something miraculous in my life and that I would find a way to love people even with their flaws and shortcomings. I thought that I could love my friend out of her place. I couldn’t and I’ve failed so far. The endless hours of prayer and conversation haven’t worked and we’re separating on a temporary and part time basis. I’m not so naïve to think that our separation is temporary or part time, I see it as the first step to a permanent parting of the ways. I’m not scared about where I’m going. I have a focus and clarity. I fear for my friend because she’s admitted to me that she doesn’t know what the next phase of her life will look like. I hope that she can figure it out.