I heard a radio talk show host say: the inability to communicate like an adult leads to excommunication. I found those words rather profound. In the last month having Julian my nephew here with me has caused me to think about my brother more than I have in the last two to three years. I have consciously worked to put Dan out of my mind so much so that Mom, Dad and I rarely chew on it anymore.
Over the past couple of years I had gotten myself beyond thinking about Dan and his family and in general what his life must be like and whether or not there would ever be a relationship between us again. One can only beat the head against the wall but so long before one passes out or simply stops because of the pain. I also finally thew away the hope that Dan would re-emerge and ask me back to participate in his life; even in a limited fashion.
I have also flushed the fury that I had whereby I would tell my brother to go **&$%##% himself if he ever reappeared as a way of getting even with him. In thinking about it and praying about it; I realize that a tit for tat response and slamming of the door on my part would make me just as wrong, weak, damaging, hurtful and inept as my brother is. Dan's inability to communicate as an adult has lead to him excommunicating me, his daughter Jasmine, his son Julian and my parents. The damage his actions have caused are irreparable in my opinion. Still at times, I think and I hope. I'm human, who wouldn't?
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