When business is slow I have time to ponder. This isn't always good. Days, weeks, months and years feel like they are spinning by out of control. So much time it seems can pass in just a blink and say ten years have passed, or nearly thirty years since high school; goodness gracious it was just yesterday. College; well I read the alumni magazine and see that friends and teachers are now grandparents or they've passed away. That is so strange, in my mind they are trapped in their teens, twenties or thirties and now they clearly are not.
At times I feel anxious because events have slipped into foggy memory, the house on Mineral Springs Road, John, times in New Orleans, time with Chris; who spent nearly five years with me and in a snap of a finger doesn't call or return calls. Additionally there is a family anxiety too; well chronicled here. There is a longing to preach and find a place in ministry and yet and anxiety about leaving where I am to pursue that passion. I feel a keen sense of longing for more simple times which I know were really not that simple but the persistent ticking of the clock erases those anxieties.
It's funny though, in spite of all of this jumble; I feel centered and happy in my life. All in all I'm busy, healthy and fulfilled but yet I wonder, what more is it that I want? I have great friends, great family, co-workers who by and large are supportive, a neighborhood in which I'm engaged, creative outlets which I love. So the question is, why is my tummy jumping when I put these words down? Hmm, maybe I'll figure it out someday.
No comments:
Post a Comment