Bull's Head Inn

Bull’s Head Inn

It really is amazing how the decades can fade away. This Sunday after Nana’s 100th birthday party I drove up to Goshen New York to have dinner with two high school friends. The day was lovely; the drive-through northeastern New Jersey was amazing. The mountains were pretty, the sky uncommonly clear and the colors crisp. As I drove I thought if I had found this before moving to North Carolina I would've moved here. The New York Thruway was equally beautiful and the town of Washingtonville New York a delight. Washingtonville looks like one of those miniature Christmas villages, idealistic, serene, neat and warm.

The Bull’s Head Inn was equally charming, nestled on a gentle rise, along a country road outside of Goshen. My friend Beth and I arrived at the same time and we retired inside to wait for our friend Sheryl to show up. Beth and I sat at the bar drinking soda and talking and starting to catch up. I gave her little snippets from my grandmother's birthday party, from work and from life in general and she did the same. The bar was absolutely stunning, with the picture window beyond the bottles and a view of the meadow. The top of the bar was copper which I found to be amazing.

Sherryl showed up at about 5:10 and she looked like she had just stepped out of high school 30 years ago. Truthfully, so does Beth; I'm not sure the same could be said about me. So Sherryl showed and we were directed to our table. We had a private corner in the public dining room and we were the only people in that room.

The atmosphere was wonderful, the food was perfect and the nearly 5 hours of conversation was fluid, warm and engaging. I was struck then and am struck now by how easily the decades with these two fine women just melt away. As we talked, we rediscovered very keen and specific shared values; interestingly enough, and even though life had taken us in very different directions the three of us rediscovered that we felt the same way about a variety of issues. All three of us are concerned about the deterioration of manners in our society, the venom that embodies the body politic and the overall disregard for the disenfranchised within our society.

Of course we spoke about our families and what had been going on in our personal lives and that was wonderful. It sure is nice to know that people who I care so much for are doing real well in the end. Of course their lives are not ideal no one’s life is. My own life included. My one wish and my one take away from this evening is that we don't wait 10 more years before we see each other again; but if we do I'm not concerned because I know that my friends are there.

Counting Blessings

I have had a weekend alone. Well not really; given my career I am never really alone; I see and meet and talk to lots of people every day. I sometimes feel very much alone and lonely. I think it is mostly due to the fact that as a young man I lost John my partner and I've never really been able to get used to that hole in my life. I've really just kind of learned to work around it; to cope with it.

So, this weekend, Ray, Angie and Michelle were in Greensboro for the ACC tournament. Rick is in Canada, Jen and Mary were in Pennsylvania and my folks are traveling. My countless other friends I didn't reach out too and my brother, well my brother wants nothing to do with me. So my weekend has been reflective and enjoyable. I did have dinner last night with clients who are more than clients; they are friends.

Today, the joy of the weekend became most apparent. I went to Imani MCC here in Durham. It is nice to be back with my community. As Dorothy said in the Wizard of Oz, "The next time I go looking for my heart's content, I won't go any further than my own backyard."
Me too.

As I exit the car and make for the door of the church house, there is a familiar face. I face that I first came to know twenty five years ago during freshman orientation for college. It was Julie. Oh how I've thought about her all these years. How I've wondered what her life has been and where she's gone and then poof, here she is in Durham and she's treasurer of the church. The love I felt seeing this woman warmed my heart. God truly answered a prayer by her being there.
I am so blessed and so lucky to have so many different and talented and warm people in my life.

Known and unknown and the doors between

William Blake, quoted by Bishop Carlton Pearson in "The Gospel of Inclusion."

In the universe there are things that are known and things that are unknown and in between there are doors. If that is the case then the doors remain ajar through which the curious can peak. The tragedy of theology is that these doors have been closed.

I've been looking at this idea in a multi fold approach. With respect to the cross and the gift that was given by God at Calvary. Christ's sacrifice at the cross was God opening a door for humanity to peak through; to get a glimpse of what it is to love, sacrifice and give, to be the ultimate Good Samaritan. That action by God enables human kind to wrap its arms around the ultimate act of love as an example to live by. I believe by that action we are commanded to be Christ like. We are charged to strive for perfection, knowing that in our lives most of us will never be called to sacrifice as Christ did.

So, when we're commanded to be a Samaritan and sacrifice in a small way, through and act of kindness, generosity, hospitality, a smile, being polite, loving the Christo-eclesia folks who attend church on Sunday with whom we might have friction or disagreements or out right hostility, it is indeed a very small challenge in light of the gift of Calvary.

Imagine the doors that we open when we treat others to a glimpse through that door with a small act of kindness. Think about the example we lead when we pass our lunch out the window of our car to the homeless person begging at the side of the street. Think about the gift we give when we smile and engage a store clerk.

As important is how we treat those with whom we "share belief." Often we share a common belief in Christ as a savior but we get mired in the nonsense of personal opinion. We slug it out over marriage, abortion, salvation, sexual orientation, divorce, alcohol and all the while loosing site of the cross, the death, the suffering, the Resurrection and the church as bride of Christ. We need to knowingly nod to our brothers and sisters, let them have their say, respect their stance, value them as a person and love them.

These seemingly insignificant examples are priceless gifts to opening the door and looking into Christ-like service. In light of Christ's sacrifice these small gifts seem like nothing but in fact they are excellent illustrations of how simple it can all be.

The Election

"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41: 10)

I cannot remember ever feeling so anxious about an election. I know that I should just trust God and know that whatever happens tomorrow that on November 5th 2008 when I wake up, God, my God will still be in control of everything. At church on Sunday Pastor put it into clearly understandable terms for the second time in as many weeks. He asked, and rightly so, I believe, “Who is your allegiance to?”

As a believer and follower of the Christ, the Messiah, I have to say first to God, second to family and a close third to country. The allegiance to God is heads and tails above the second two because without that allegiance and love, the love for family and country in my mind diminishes. So with that love and allegiance firmly in place then nothing can ever be stolen from me.

With an allegiance to God and a love of God, it doesn’t matter who wins this earthly election. I live in this world but I am not of this world, I am beholden to something far greater and much more valuable. There is nothing that either of the candidates can do for me; they offer me nothing because I have decided to render unto Caesar that which is his and to God all that is his. With that said my path is crystal clear. Conversely my choice of the word all to God is deliberate too.

For conversation sake, if a “liberal” is elected I resolve not to let that stand in the way of my obligation to love and look after and save my fellow human and if a “conservative” is elected I will not let that stand in the way of my obligation to love and look after and save my fellow human. I resolve to walk as Christ with skin on and not absolve my responsibilities to an elected official on any level. By the very nature of their offices they are beholden to a minimum of two masters and generally more. They are obligated to the master of the electorate, to special interests, to party and to themselves. No where in there to I see them beholden to the Master, the Maker, the Alpha and the Omega.

To finish the thought, if I follow the Messiah, the Christ and live according to His will, I will live as a peacemaker, a lover of all human kind even the most disenfranchised and a provider to all His people. I will by my example if I do it right lead people to His way and His light. Seems to me that this is a great way to live, with that said, whatever happens tomorrow, I’ll leave it in the hands of God, who loved me and you so much that he sacrificed Himself, his Son, so that all of us might know everlasting life, love and peace.

The fruit of the Spirit is...

Galatians. 5:22-23 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

But the fruit, singular of the Spirit, singular, is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Even back to the Greek the fruit is singular. Spirit is singular too as is God. What an interesting use of words. How interesting too when we contemplate how so many can be abused by so called church folk doling out their brand of judgment. The use of the word dole is deliberate too, from the old English dolor, to cause pain or more modern to apportion small amounts.

There is nothing in this verse from Galatians that has anything to do with pain, causing pain, judgment or hurt. In fact the entire passage speaks to the joys of belief in one God, his son, the savior, the Messiah, Jesus Christ. In fact one might arguably refer to the verse for a road map of day to day life. In one mind, one though, one spirit through one God treat all with one love, one joy, one peace, one patience, one kindness, one goodness, one faithfulness, one gentleness and one self-control. Master all of those and you’ve won the day.

Break it down further and look at the singularity of the fruit and spirit. You see the fruit of the Spirit is all encompassing. The singular fruit encompasses the entirety of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control all rolled into one. What God expects from us is not one of these fine attributes but all of them at all times. A very, very tall order and one very difficult challenge. God knows that if it is easy then maybe it isn't worth doing. Many of God's challenges to humanity are difficult including this one from Galatians which expects so much from the one of us.

To embrace humanity and love humanity all of these fruit and Spirit attributes are required simultaneously. We can approach a dirty, drunken homeless person with kindness, but if we don't have patience to help them deal with their addiction, we are of little use to them. We can attend church with faithfulness but if we act daily without love of others then the time in church is wasted. We can pray our hearts out for desired outcomes but if those outcomes lack peace and the self-control of balanced thought then we've failed in our prayers.

So, hard as it might be, when meditating on Galatians 5:22-23 we have to bear in mind that it is the singular fruit of the Spirit that is the singular God which we aspire to. God, embodied as Jesus the Christ on Earth two thousand years ago and the Spirit today; which is and always will be love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Genesis 19

1The(A) two angels came to Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gate of Sodom. When Lot saw them, he rose to meet them and bowed himself with his face to the earth 2and said, "My lords,(B) please turn aside to your servant’s house and spend the night(C) and wash your feet. Then you may rise up early and go on your way." They said,(D) "No; we will spend the night in the town square." 3But he pressed them strongly; so they turned aside to him and entered his house. And he made them a feast and baked unleavened bread, and they ate.
4But before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both young and old, all the people to the last man, surrounded the house. 5(E) And they called to Lot, "Where are the men who came to you tonight?(F) Bring them out to us, that we(G) may know them." 6Lot went out to the men at the entrance, shut the door after him, 7and said, "I beg you, my brothers, do not act so wickedly. 8(H) Behold, I have two daughters who have not known any man. Let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please. Only do nothing to these men, for they have come under the shelter of my roof."

I would like to take a balanced and fair look at the “sin” in this well known and well used story from the book of Genesis, the very first book of the Bible. The book where by word and word alone God created heaven and earth and all. God also declared all created as good. So, I’d like to look at the word and extrapolate it down to a very real and meaningful aspect of my life. The indictment in this story is the word, “know.” There is no doubt about what the men of Sodom mean by know. In this instance it has nothing to do with affection or caring. In this book of the Bible the word know means hurt, abuse, belittle, control, humiliate and be inhospitable.

Righteous Lot offers his virgin daughters to be hurt, abused, belittled, controlled, humiliated and violated an offer witnessed by the people of Sodom. The men of the city say no; it is the strangers that they want to violate. Here’s where the story takes on relevance and power in my world. It revolves around being a stranger and in some cases being treated as a stranger by those related or just that close. It is the realization that “loved ones,” as close as blood can view me as a stranger with perhaps contempt and bigotry and perhaps veil their bigotry in God’s word.

Those close or not will say that my being gay is a mortal sin. That for me there can be none of God's grace, love or redemption because of what I am, who I love and what I find attractive. They will say that I cannot get into Heaven because I will not live a lie, I will be true to myself and therefore be relegated to hell. That if I wanted to ask another man to marry me it would fly in the face of their marriage contract which they view as holy and divinely appointed and approved, which I believe it is. I ask, but what has that to do with me and what have I to do with them? I see it as nothing. My choice to marry, union, bond, live with or use whatever word best describes the union has little if nothing to do with them on a Biblical level or really any level other than perhaps bigotry or some sort of phobia.

My partner John died eight years ago. We'd spent many years together forging a life together, traveling, owning property, attending church, paying taxes, cooking, entertaining, paying bills, cutting grass, visiting with friends and on and on. I think that my point in laying all of this out is very clear...a marriage or union so to speak. John got sick and was in hospital; a close family member didn't come to visit. John passed away and a family member didn't come to the funeral. I melted down for a couple of years after John died and several close family members didn't call, write or check in much. At the time I didn't think much of it and oh yes these family members were friends of Johns. They'd broken bread with him and spent a fair amount of time in his company.

Since so much time has passed and I've had time to heal and reflect it has become clear to me that there is a fair level of inhospitable behavior in some of my family's actions. By devaluing my relationship with John they were acting as the folk of Sodom; there was a void of hospitality. That coupled with the judgment of a very pointed bumper sticker referring to marriage between one man and one woman causes me pain when I see these family members.

I don't understand the need for the bumper sticker or that particular marriage point of view. How are they hurt or even affected by two men or two women creating a union and calling it a marriage? If the people love one another, and love is good and God is responsible for all that is good and all in all, where is the threat, the harm or the danger to them? To deny one what is good is inhospitable and that is the sin of Sodom. This is a good place to point out that all sin is supposedly equal.

My mind then races to find the motivation? Could it be that these folks are mired in the judgment and anger of the Old Testament? How do they reconcile their feelings to the verse John 3:16? How do they reconcile the fact that they do not adhere to Levitican code of the Old Testament but they expect others to do so? How then do they approach the fact that Christ was sent fully God and fully human to create a new covenant and bond with God and the redemption of the world and human kind? Is that love and redemption not available for all who believe? Is it only available to some that live life exactly like they do, going to the same type of church, having the same friends, denying anyone outside of their view of the Christian bubble, salvation and grace by judgment and bigotry. How do you win people to the loving mission of a Christ centered church by painting a circle and painting others out with judgment, castigation and inhospitality?

My answer is simple, I don't know. To be sure, I cannot even talk about this with my family. I don't know how to broach it and I'm not sure if it is even worth it to do so...perhaps in my mind the void is too wide. With so much time, I avoid the deep and needed conversations of reconciliation with them My fear in opening a conversation is that words will turn bitter and rude. So I stay quiet and polite. I know what my mission is; it is to love and be friends with all who I encounter, that by demonstrating my openness and willingness to accept them for what they are and where they are they can come to know the joy that I feel.

You are the salt of the Earth and the light of the world

Matthew 5:13-16
Salt and Light
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

I just love the beatitudes and the lessons in them. Today I went to a new church for me and the lesson was taught on these verses and it was so inspiring and relevant and timely. The pastor essentially said that followers of Christ live in bubbles. It is inside those bubbles that we cast judgment on the folk of the world who are not saved or church goers. The pastor also pointed out that empirically the only difference between church going believers and those not; is that goers own more Bibles. Goers are just as likely to lie, cheat, steal, harm and act in deceitful ways. Goers do tend to give more to faith based charity too but that’s about it.

Interestingly enough when we believers go into the world we tend to try awkward attempts at getting the world into our churches. We tend not to befriend first but ask and invite first which tends to put the none church attendee off. In fact often it makes them run away very quickly. So in very broad terms I began to think about the church that I’m a member of and the difficulties there now.

The church where I am a member is in crisis. Attendance is falling, people come but they don’t stay. I’m a prime example. There are individuals who are members of my church who I love and cherish but the larger church didn’t invite me in or engage me. They asked my spiritual inventory and then ignored it. They tried to plug me into areas where I have no passion, like hospitality and the board of trustees; where I still sit; but not for long. My passions revolve around singing, acting, visual arts, writing, teaching and preaching. All of those passions were ignored and dismissed. It was made very clear that my round peg wasn’t going to be put into my round hole and so I lost interest.

So, roughly a year after becoming a member of my church, I’m looking for a new one. A church closer to home, one where my round peg will be placed in my round hole and my faith passions can be explored. I know soon enough that I’m going to write a letter of resignation to my church. I think in it I will have to be open, honest and forthright with them and tell them exactly why I no longer feel lead to attend or be a member of their congregation. I approach this action with trepidation and when examining the action feel my light flicker. My church was very much a part of my recovery from years of self destructive behavior.

I love the members and the pastor of the church where I’m a member. They helped me discover that I am worthy and loved and most importantly I am capable of chaste love. They helped me discover that the living God not only lives in me but in all people and that all people are worthy of redemption and grace There I discovered that in order to get new folks into church you have to be their friend first, they have to see the light in you and taste the salt. The salt is Christ and living a life lead by his example, service and sacrifice. To pounce on guests the minute that they come through the door doesn’t work. Conversely it is also a failing to invite folks into membership, give them a spiritual inventory and then ignore it.

My prayer is that my church finds its way. I do think it will be a most difficult and arduous path for them. That church is so caught up in declining attendance and membership that they seem panicked. It’s sad really, the pastor is a most gifted preacher but the messages that she deliver seem to get skewed by frantic attempts to raise money and encourage people into the church.

My church's light does seem to be hidden beneath baskets or bowls, so many there tend to guard their turf with an uncommon zeal. I knew early on that I was aware that something was amiss; I’d sit in my pew and feel completely disconnected from the service and members. I fought for a while but now I’m certain that I’ve moved on. I moved on to rediscover my salt and my light hoping that it won’t flicker out, I trust that God will lead me to the right place and all will be well.

1 John 4:16 Rely on the love God has for us

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. - 1 John 4:16

Whoever lives in love lives in God, what a soothing and peaceful thought; and how difficult it is to abide by this each and everyday. Daily I find myself tested with the easy fall back to anger and hateful thinking. I have to remind myself that I don’t hate; but that I also don’t have to like other’s ways or behaviors. By allowing hateful thinking into my mind I am acting and thinking contrary to God and all of the wonderful things that God does in my life minute to minute and day to day. When anger colors our thinking it becomes the focus of our thinking and all that we are.

I like the beginning of this verse too; and so we know and rely on the love God has for us. The word “know” is the most telling word in this verse to me. To know God means that intentional and useful time must be spent getting to God. Here is where I also have a good deal of difficulty. You see the strains of daily modern life take me away from learning and knowing about God. Do I read my Bible as much as I’d like to or should? No. Do I pray as much as I’d like to or should? No. When I look at the world do I see a living God in everything and all people all of the time. No. So, I fall very short in my faith. Maybe this is what all of the evangelists have been preaching about for as long as time.

How interesting that at forty three years old I’m really now starting to think about all of this on a deeper more intimate level. Perhaps it is age and life events that are bringing me here. Perhaps it is the fact that I lost a partner and have never fully recovered from that. I have also seen untold blessings in life’s most difficult events. Perhaps it is that I now have a much wider and more diverse network of friends, acquaintances and associates that experience so many vast and different tests daily that mine sometimes seem very petty and silly.

I love finding God in my rule of three. Rule one is think of God first whenever acting. Rule two is think of others second when acting and rule three is think of self. By following those precepts it is so easy to stay close to God and God's blessings. Yes, life is a challenge, especially modern life, but I think if I rely on the love that God has for me, then it all will be ok in the end.