Psalm 145:8-9
The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love
The Lord is good to all, and his compassion is over all that he has made.
Wow, what a fire storm over a building and community center at Ground Zero; the storm rages all the way to the White House and poses a difficult lesson and decision. I understand the hurt, agony, pain and anger of those opposed. I appreciate that some would want the ground at the spot to remain hollowed and the "enemy" kept away.
When an adversary is denied, slighted, pursued, marginalized or persecuted; or even if they FEEL persecuted then they are emboldened. Hard as it is; we must graciously allow those with whom we disagree to make their decisions even if those decisions lack wisdom and common sense. When we allow ourselves to be consumed with hate and anger then we diminish ourselves to the level of those that hijacked and flew planes into the towers and inflicted grievous pain and suffering on so many. Hard as it is we must find a way to dig deep and forgive or else we become consumed.
One of the most difficult lessons to learn and abide is God's unfailing love for us; all of US, even those of us who may not even know Him. When the hater hates he becomes hate and ultimately hates himself. Look to any number of despots throughout history. Look at what they became as they inflicted abuse on others; examine the life of Stalin; how warped he was, how fundamentally damaged her was, how in the end when he fell sick his brokenness killed him, he had a stroke and his minions were afraid to open his bedroom door. Look at those in South Africa during apartheid and what they became. Look at Idi Amin and where his life took him. Sadly, look at those folk who angrily proclaim the Gospel and yet rant about a vengeful angry God; look at how hard their hearts are, how broken they are, how dare I say it...how sad they are. Is this what God wants for us?
The Psalm says slow to anger, steadfast in love; Genesis says we are made in God's image, Christ was sent as our model, therefore we are called to be steadfast in love. Sometimes that steadfastness requires that we sacrifice and indeed make the ultimate sacrifice, better we martyr ourselves than make a martyr of an enemy; you see a martyr never dies and is impossible to defeat, but an enemy or adversary who is loved is defeated by that very love.
I have had a weekend alone. Well not really; given my career I am never really alone; I see and meet and talk to lots of people every day. I sometimes feel very much alone and lonely. I think it is mostly due to the fact that as a young man I lost John my partner and I've never really been able to get used to that hole in my life. I've really just kind of learned to work around it; to cope with it.
So, this weekend, Ray, Angie and Michelle were in Greensboro for the ACC tournament. Rick is in Canada, Jen and Mary were in Pennsylvania and my folks are traveling. My countless other friends I didn't reach out too and my brother, well my brother wants nothing to do with me. So my weekend has been reflective and enjoyable. I did have dinner last night with clients who are more than clients; they are friends.
Today, the joy of the weekend became most apparent. I went to Imani MCC here in Durham. It is nice to be back with my community. As Dorothy said in the Wizard of Oz, "The next time I go looking for my heart's content, I won't go any further than my own backyard."
Me too.
As I exit the car and make for the door of the church house, there is a familiar face. I face that I first came to know twenty five years ago during freshman orientation for college. It was Julie. Oh how I've thought about her all these years. How I've wondered what her life has been and where she's gone and then poof, here she is in Durham and she's treasurer of the church. The love I felt seeing this woman warmed my heart. God truly answered a prayer by her being there.
I am so blessed and so lucky to have so many different and talented and warm people in my life.
Choice; I asked a preacher when he said that my being homosexual wasn't the ideal choice for humans, when did you choose to be heterosexual? I didn't get an answer. The questions begs, why? Could it be when faced with the question he couldn't find the answer? Could it be that the answer was a definitive date and time and if then so he'd be faced with his own same sex attractions and actions. I don't know and most likely will never know. These are interesting questions to contemplate.
So, with that in mind I've decided that my attempt to find a mainstream church, well integrated with a variety of people is at least for the time being not going to work here in my little part of North Carolina. So, with that said, I will head to Imani MCC here in Durham today. I need to connect with a faith community with similar beliefs, values and practices with which I can connect in a meaningful and deep way.
One church that I recently attended was too big, too impersonal and the preacher all too eager gifted as he is to smash from the pulpit. One church too disengaged to find a small group where I would fit. One church too liturgical and too stuffy and not Biblical based enough to hold my interest. I find that Imani MCC might fit the bill. I've been there once, the service, the music and communion fantastic. So, we will see where it goes.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (NIV)
Wow, nice thump, thank you God. It occurs to me after an interesting and intense conversation with my dad; love him deeply but don’t always understand what makes him nervous, angry or upset. I do know that God doesn’t want us to be angry., nervous or upsset. God especially doesn’t want us to dwell and cogitate on things that are well beyond our control.
This is one of the primary reasons why I have removed myself from the twenty four hour news cycle and the plethora of talking heads who argue, bicker and carry on guising all of their bluster as “news.” I firmly believe that it is not.
I have worked and prayed to get myself to a place of hope and joy. Life is too short to sit with worry about what might happen. If the bad comes, it does, I will be patient in that affliction, until then I remain faithful in prayer. I seek joy in everyday. I wrestle with my failing to see Jesus in all.
So as I anticipate the next hour of my life, the next day, the next week, the next month and so on, I anticipate with a joyful hope. My steadfast prayer is that all humans strive to see and find good in other humans. My prayer that all people seek and see the invisible who live among them. The invisible are all around us, they stand on street corners begging here in the richest country on Earth. They live as teenagers cast out of their families and homes. They live in our shelters, in our neighborhoods and we find them in our work places and churches. These are the marginalized, the disenfranchised, the sick, the weak, the helpless, the hurt and the weary. These are the left out and the left behind.
I pray that these Angels on the edge find peace and comfort, acceptance and love. I pray that they are patient in their affliction. I pray that they preserver through; and find strength and peace and love and harmony and yes, through prayer, find Jesus. In him they will find a way to stand up, step up, move in and move beyond. In Jesus there is no fear, no anger, no nervousness, no hurt and no pain. In Him there is joy, love, hope and promise of even greater things. That is my hope and my comfort.
