Honor and Respect

Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and mother

Romans 13:7 Respect who respect is due, honor to whom honor is due

Blood is thicker than water and that being said I am very protective when it comes to my dad and mom. My parents were always there for us as we were growing up and there also well into adulthood. I’ve always know that if I needed advice or a helping hand that I could count on both of them. They have patiently listened, guided and comforted me. When John died and even before when he was so sick; they listened as I worried and wept. They must have felt helpless watching me in my despair.

My folks have also been there for joyous times; time spent out at a Place at the Beach as a collective and extended family. Time spent on their boat with day trips to Cape Lookout and Shackleford Banks, always paying for the boat and the fuel. There were countless holidays in their first Beaufort home, with so many at the table that we had to add on and on. There were multiple July vacations with my nieces and nephews splashing in the bay at Smyrna and huge holiday picnics were even if one wasn’t invited a spot was made for them.

Mom and Dad also gave selflessly; helping us move countless times, in and out of dorms, apartments, carriage houses, more apartments, new cities, more apartments, our first homes and on and on. When vehicles failed or ignored student loans came due the check book was opened and they came to the rescue. When graduation parties needed planning they stepped in. When derelict properties were in need of rehabilitation they dropped everything including vacation plans, fixing their own home, visiting their aged parents or just sitting down and jumped in and generously did what needed doing and even bank rolled the effort.

My parents partnered with us in business too; often shouldering more than half the work but never more than half the profit. Countless times they treated to meals out when the assumption was that they would do so. If their generosity unacknowledged or some sort of other boorish behavior exhibited by others; those actions simply ignored. At holidays and birthdays a veritable bounty was provided for the kids and adults, sometimes not even with a nod of thanks and yet other times quite the contrary. Truly, they never looked for kudos, they just did it.

They aren’t perfect; they have their failings as we all do. I don’t always like what they say but I respect what they say and their right to say it, with age does come some privilege. In looking back I reckon that they are responsible for where I am now and who I am becoming. It is kind of strange being past middle age yet still being someone’s child. It is a true blessing having them so much a part of my life. I relish my odd weeks off down on the coast where we can boat, drink coffee on the deck or go their church together. Beyond all of that I enjoy the open, honest, respectful, honorable and true relationship that we share. It isn’t always easy but all three of us work at it. Finally, I truly believe that if relationships are ignored or unacknowledged like a plant that isn't watered, they whither and no amount of finger shaking or rebuke can alter that fact or undo the whilted leaves.

Galatians 6

6:1 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3 If any of you think you are something when you are nothing, you deceive yourselves. 4 Each of you should test your own actions. Then you can take pride in yourself, without comparing yourself to somebody else, 5 for each of you should carry your own load. 6 Nevertheless, those who receive instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor.

Still so many years later there are so many embroiled in "being" better than those around them. I think no one person is better or worse than the other. All too often I run across someone who believes that they are, either one of the other. Truly sad and unfortunate.

Unfortunate also are the people I meet day to day who for one reason or another won't or can't do the right thing. They won't find a way to go a little further, try a little harder, move a little more, give a litte more in order to make someone else's path easier.

1 John 4:16 Rely on the love God has for us

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. - 1 John 4:16

Whoever lives in love lives in God, what a soothing and peaceful thought; and how difficult it is to abide by this each and everyday. Daily I find myself tested with the easy fall back to anger and hateful thinking. I have to remind myself that I don’t hate; but that I also don’t have to like other’s ways or behaviors. By allowing hateful thinking into my mind I am acting and thinking contrary to God and all of the wonderful things that God does in my life minute to minute and day to day. When anger colors our thinking it becomes the focus of our thinking and all that we are.

I like the beginning of this verse too; and so we know and rely on the love God has for us. The word “know” is the most telling word in this verse to me. To know God means that intentional and useful time must be spent getting to God. Here is where I also have a good deal of difficulty. You see the strains of daily modern life take me away from learning and knowing about God. Do I read my Bible as much as I’d like to or should? No. Do I pray as much as I’d like to or should? No. When I look at the world do I see a living God in everything and all people all of the time. No. So, I fall very short in my faith. Maybe this is what all of the evangelists have been preaching about for as long as time.

How interesting that at forty three years old I’m really now starting to think about all of this on a deeper more intimate level. Perhaps it is age and life events that are bringing me here. Perhaps it is the fact that I lost a partner and have never fully recovered from that. I have also seen untold blessings in life’s most difficult events. Perhaps it is that I now have a much wider and more diverse network of friends, acquaintances and associates that experience so many vast and different tests daily that mine sometimes seem very petty and silly.

I love finding God in my rule of three. Rule one is think of God first whenever acting. Rule two is think of others second when acting and rule three is think of self. By following those precepts it is so easy to stay close to God and God's blessings. Yes, life is a challenge, especially modern life, but I think if I rely on the love that God has for me, then it all will be ok in the end.

Cast your burden on the Lord

Psalm 55 verse 22
Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.

A dear friend who I love is in the throws of watching her granddaughter die of cancer. A mere child of nine, who hasn’t lived a long life but perhaps, has lived a full life by those who she has touched. I’ve never met this little girl in person, but through stories from her grandmother and writings by her mother I feel as if I’ve come to know her. I certainly feel like I better know my friend and her daughter. I certainly feel that my love for these people has deepened too.

The fullness of one’s life cannot be measured in years or time because quality is not temporal. To say that this little girl has been denied a long life is true, to say that her family has been denied is also true. This whole circumstance is wrong, un-natural and completely unfair. It is indeed a test of faith and leaves those of us at the periphery feeling at a loss as to what to say and when to say it. The phone lines and email circuits sizzle, when a crisis comes, with questions of what to do.

My counsel is to stand firm with this family; as the body of Christ and the living God we are called to comfort this family and let them cast some of their burden upon us. Some of us are naturally fearful that when we ask how things are; those questions will bring tears. We are trained as a society that causing another to cry is a bad thing; to that I say no it is the opposite. This family is hurting; they are holding it in when near one another and this little girl. They need friends and the body of Christ to lean on and cry out to. This makes them strong to face what they need to and to carry on in a busy and stressful time.

It is our task to take some of the burden from this family and lift them up in prayer because it is easy when facing crisis day in and out to forget to consciously pray. There are those times of unconscious prayer that happen routinely but I’m not sure those prayers comfort as much. Our prayers for this family embolden us to say to them that we love them, care for them, stand with them and in turn let them do the same for one another.

So, a little girl, whom I’ve never met, who is being tested beyond belief while I stand on the periphery has taught many immense lessons of love, support and understanding. In conscious prayer I lift her family up and in thought and deed I keep her and her family in my focus remembering to reach out to them so that they might be strong enough to face whatever is coming. To that end, have I lost hope; no. There is always hope because there is always God and in the end…something better.

Free Tibet, Free China when one is a victim we all are!

In the Gospel of Luke, John the Baptizer when asked by the crowd, what to do says: He who has two coats let him share with him who has none, and he who has food let him do likewise”(3:11).

So, when called to Christian ministry and social justice I see things much the same way, especially when contemplating human rights and oppression. Therefore I will approach the Peoples Republic of China and their actions and also the actions of the present administration in the U.S. and the capitalists in the U.S. and worldwide in much the same fashion. Could we ask this question with respect to human rights, freedom of religion, freedom of speech and a whole host of other personal liberties?

The Peoples Republic of China’s government is doing its level best to quash the movement for freedom in Tibet spearheaded by the Buddhists in that region lead by the Dali Lama. The evil that is the Peoples Republic will stop at nothing to keep Tibet under its boot. They will lie, cheat, kill, steal and spin the truth to break the spirit if not the backs of the Tibetans. Therefore, as I see it, we could say; if one has freedom, let him share with those who have none. If one has a voice, let him share it with those who have none. It is the duty and obligation for every follower of Christ to speak out and take action against the Peoples Republic of China.

Our call to action is to boycott products made in China to not only punish the totalitarian government there but the capitalists who lie down with this vile den of vipers. Included in this den is the International Olympic organization who choose Beijing for the Olympics and most consumer companies who promote if not give a blind eye to the forced labor and slavery upon which the Chinese capitalist model is built. We are obligated as followers of Christ to call attention to the tens of thousands if not millions who toil to feed the beast which is Chinese capitalism. We are charged to withhold our dollars in attempt to starve that beast which shackles of so many.

For nearly twenty years the world has turned a blind eye to Chinese oppression, hostility, anger and manipulation because of its thirst for inexpensive clothing and consumer trinkets. It is time for us to raise up a chorus of voices to force change in the Peoples Republic of China and in the board rooms of capitalist ventures worldwide. It is time for followers of Christ to raise ruckus in the halls of Congress and the White House to force change. It is time for all of us to understand that when one of us is a slave, prisoner or victim we are all victims. It is time for the followers of Christ to say no more slavery, oppression and violence in Tibet or greater China.

The irony in all of this is that today President George W. Bush’s national security advisor Stephen Hadley has said, “The kind of "quiet diplomacy" that the U.S. is practicing is a better way to send a message to China's leaders rather than "frontal confrontation." What simple nonsense and cop out. What caused the Soviet Union to fall was Ronald Reagan standing up to them and the evil that they were. What is needed now is a bulwark of Reagan’s stature to stand against the Chinese and their capitalist friends. Unfortunately I do not see one ready to take up the standard here in the west and the only one on the world stage is the Dali Lama a leader in exile and country less. So until the Dali Lama has backing, a voice and worldwide support I will write and pray for change in Tibet and the Peoples Republic of China.

Grace and words Ephesians 4:29

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

In his letter to the Ephesians Paul encourages the use of good words and hence thoughts to pour out of the human mouth and then as such it become a grace or a blessing to the people hearing it. In today’s contemplation of cultural cannibalism I will attempt to meditate on that. I read a Craig’s list rant today about a woman in a Lexus in Chapel Hill, North Carolina; who was tailgating another car near the neighborhood of Southern Village. The venom poured out in this particular rant was horrid to say the least and scary to say the most. It was as if the person being tailgated thought or perceived that the driver of the Lexus woke up and intentionally went out searching for him as a victim. What the person ranting on Craig’s list didn’t realize is that he made himself much more a victim by his rant and words.

I see it this way and I believe that God does too; when you spew venom and ill will it does indeed poison those who hear your words. This is made clear in the passage quoted above from Ephesians. That being said, it is impossible for us, even if we are deaf to escape our own words. Our words are our thoughts, our cognition made real, live and human. Our words, our thoughts are our reality and the reality that this ranting person created on Craig’s list was self inflicted poison. Of course I’d be naïve if I professed not to be somewhat poisoned by the rave too. I was which is why the meditation. Horrid words move us away from God because even in the beginning there was the word. The word was in and of God. For people of deep and abiding faith it is very simple and clear and in fact in those people I have a deep admiration, I can see at work in them daily kind and compassionate words and it does indeed color their lives.

Paul in further writings to the Colossians says; 4:6; Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer every man. So, like salt your seasoned words, words of passion should be used sparingly. If not then you risk over seasoning your own mind and the minds of others with your words. It’s kind of simple really, our words become our reality. Think hatefully then one becomes hateful. Think and speak lovingly, then one becomes loving. Think peacefully then one becomes a pacifist. The same holds true to others who hear our words. Nelson Mandela in prison could have allowed himself to become enraged, angry, hateful and full of revenge, he could have “talked” himself into it easily while sitting alone in his cell. Had Mandela done so then I’m sure he wouldn’t have become an effective president of South Africa and such a role model, leading that nation to truth and reconciliation and isn’t reconciliation grace?

Christ through his persecutions didn’t rail against his abusers, he asked God to forgive them for they didn’t know what they were doing. Had he reacted in anger or rage he would have then moved away from God. This of course given the persona and passion of Christ was impossible, he was fully human and fully God and therefore fully good and perfect and as such he couldn’t move in an angry direction at that time. Jesus Christ didn’t allow poisonous words to fall from his lips. As fully God and fully human he knew poisonous words are the easy words, the convenient words; he rather chose enlightened and loving words and that is what we are challenged to do.

I think that this is why Paul spends so much time in his writings to the early churches discussing these kinds of issues. He knew from personal experience that hate filled words are the easy words to find. He knew from his persecutions of the early church that hearing those words made a believer out of him. Of course not the kind of believer that Christ and God were looking for. It took a strike by God on the road to Damascus to bring Saul to Paul which was where he needed to be. It took the awe inspiring might and love of God to get him there and that is the lesson for us. Trust and love God; think good, loving, peaceful thoughts and speak those words and grace pours out in abundance to all who hear them including ourselves.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
—Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope that good things will come especially when dealing with a time of tribulation. I do believe that these times are turbulent ones. There is a deep uncertainty regarding the economy. We as a nation are trapped by our own designs in a protracted war where there doesn’t seem at the moment to be an escape let alone an easy one and we are indeed a people hooked on easy answers. Our standing in the world is faltering after a very short time as a “super power.” We are lacking in moral fiber and faith for had we taken the time to think, pray and ponder, we wouldn’t be trapped in Iraq at the moment. We wouldn’t be swimming in a mess of our own making.

Conversely, we wouldn’t be in the economic mess that we’re in had we not gone into Iraq. Hubris and ego have taken us down a slippery slope and it will take emotional fortitude and patience of uncommon strength to rescue us. The problem as I see it is that we, Americans, don’t have patience when faced with tribulation and we are ill suited to be constant in anything let alone prayer and faith. In our cultural cannibalism we epitomize a society of distracted adolescent children who are so hopped up on the stimuli of the moment that we can’t be patient because we’ve never learned it. In slower times our parents and grandparents had the benefit of slow and deliberate reflection and that often taught them the value of patience. They were not the kind of people to go in four hundred different directions with a myopic lack of focus. They tackled one task at a time and did it well.

They allowed God standing in the quiet corners of their minds to come forth with the answers. Now mind you it didn’t always happen quickly or easily or even always with the desired outcomes. We could point to the inauspicious end to World War two over two completely destroyed civilian centers of Japan. I’m not here to judge their actions, simply to reflect upon them and the dangers of rushing where no one has yet to rush or act. They thought that their actions were right and proper. Perhaps if Truman had been in office longer, and had reflected a bit, the end would have been different. Who’s to say?

Similarly, at the start of World War two this country was completely unprepared to fight a war, let alone a war on two fronts against two completely maniacal and formidable foes. Our parents and grandparents rose to the challenge, they sacrificed and they eventually won. They too were coming out of a period of deep and Earth shattering uncertainty and a test of faith. The difference was the sacrifice, they were able to and we are not. We as a nation, for four generations now, prance and dance off to ill conceived, planned and executed wars where we indeed do not go to war. What we do is we send our army to a foreign land to fight battles. Like the passage from Romans says, be patient in tribulation, however to do so, thought and planning and sacrifice must take place. Let’s not miss the final line of the passage, be constant in prayer.

To be constant in prayer means to be still and know who God is. That stillness is the ah ha moment. The stillness must last long enough for the ah ha to take place and in our culture that doesn’t happen at least not all that often. Again, we as a people are stretched too thin and are lacking a focus and insight. We lack the ability to quietly and simply communicate with God and ask for Godly insightful revelation. Were we to do so, so many of our “problems” would not manifest into such. The solutions, I think are simple and take me back to the scripture. When faced with problems, I will rejoice in hope, that I will solve them, I will be patient in tribulation and I will be constant in my prayers. Those three courses of action will allow for deliberate and thoughtful action. Let’s all pray that our leaders and population will get it and soon.

More on anger and forgiveness

The blessings are in the waysides

When I contemplate my angry friend and myself when I was angry it becomes very clear that deep abiding friendships and relationships don’t develop in angry people. They really can’t because there are barriers in the way. All too clearly I remember that when I was institutionally angry my friendships were casual and cursory. I couldn’t let people in close because their proximity to the true me would have forced me to examine what I truly was. The thought of other people being that close to the true me, terrified me.

How absolutely sad for me because I lost countless years and countless friends along the way and I also stunted my personal development. I consider now the lost relationships and the damage that I caused in those relationships because I was dishonest, first with myself and then those trying to get close or involved. Naturally, once anyone started getting close to me, my pattern of behavior was to run as quickly as possible from them, sometimes this wasn’t a literal run but the defensive barriers definitely went up. My greatest fear was the thought of “them” seeing the true me or worst me seeing the true me.

With some age, wisdom and God’s grace, I’ve learned not to beat myself up with respect to these angry and elusive years. Some aspects of my behavior I do truly regret. I regret the countless weekend evenings of my sophomore year in college where I didn’t go out and forge close and abiding friendships. I chose rather to stay in alone and watch television or read. I regret some of the years after college where I stayed alone in Wilson and really had no social interaction for years on end. I regret the year after my relationship with Chris ended and I poured myself into a bottle believing that I was unworthy of love or even friendship.

Through these events and a spiritual evolution I have found a path to happiness, grace and peace. I reconnected with one of the closest true friends I’ve ever known and his presence has helped me out of my rut. I’ve discovered a church, pastor and friends who accept that I’m flawed, but love me in spite. I discovered a joyous God that knows every aspect of my DNA and loves me for the wondrously flawed human that I am. I have discovered that joy, peace, love and grace are not destinations but they are rather waysides on the journey through life. They are the gentle smiles in the grocery store, the singing in church on Sunday evening, meeting a friend for Thai food on a rainy Tuesday evening. They are the simple thanks that a coworker gives for doing a good job and watching basketball at NC State. The blessings are so, oh so plentiful but in this fast paced, high stress, twenty four hour news cycle angry society that we live in, most of us miss the blessings. We fall all over ourselves searching for the blessings when they are all around us and all that is required is that we be still.

So, my solution is simple. When I wake every morning I pray and I thank God for the fact that I’m awake and in a dry, warm, safe place. I thank God for the simple blessing that today I don’t hurt, that I have food and that through my actions and thoughts I can be a catalyst for good and positive change…I can live my life…as Christ with skin on. I fall short each and every day, but the greatest joy is that I can get up again and try, basking in God’s love and grace because again the blessing is in the attempt and working to the goal.

One of my pathways to God

Pathways to God, reflections on a healing service

For three weeks or so I’d wrestled with the fact that as an infant my parents had me Christened instead of waiting for me to reach the age of reason, when I could choose Baptism. By default my younger brother had been given the choice because my parents left “the church” before he could be Christened. That bothered him so much so that as a twenty year old man he chose Jesus Christ and was baptized. Sunday September 30, 2007 my pastor says, “We’ll wait here, until the person here in this place, comes forward to renew their Baptism or is baptized. I know he’s here. I’ll wait all night if I have to. We’ll wait until the sanctuary is empty if that’s what it takes!”

I see it clearly, God is working in this service, the cause of some of my fears and anxiety have just been laid out in front of everyone, and those words hang heavily in the air. The entire weekend has been filled with emotion for me and now this. The protesters at pride were filled with venom and meeting them with love is a new experience for me. The morning service that I almost didn’t go to because I felt afraid; I found myself weeping with joy as the praise team sang. Lunch was a warm and rewarding event with newly found and trusted friends and helping to clean up and bring order to God’s house soothes me. The afternoon passes too quickly.

Then, here I find myself, in my new church hearing these words from a Pastor whom I’ve grown to admire and love. Yet, a failing on my part, not fully trusting yet, my baggage from what’s been programmed into my head, I was christened not Baptized. It isn’t the same, I know it. I know that I should have told her. Why haven’t I? Pastor has given us permission to tell her anything. Is it that once I do, then I’m all in, fully engaged, the focus of my life changed to where it should be. Why is it after all of this time it is so hard to just say yes, three letters, three easy little letters, an affirmation to God?

Still through my Pastor, God is telling me exactly what I need to do. Yet, I sit. The praise team sings. I sit still, debating, wrestling, scared; frantic on the inside but not moving forward. I hope it will pass if I stay still. Even with the vibrating in my head from the sermon, the story of the Prodigal son and his journey home. Could it be made any more crystal clear to me? All I have to do is get up and move but I won’t, I’m paralyzed by my fear and lack of trust and the recording playing in my head. I’m praying too, hoping and praying that someone else will get up and move to the front of the church and that will let me off the hook. I ask God for one more sign. Me, little small man hasn’t heard enough, seen enough of God working in my life; he still needs one more sign, one more demonstration of love and acceptance.

Then I hear it. Crystal playing the piano starts the first few notes of “This is the air I breathe.” The song that I mentioned to her at lunch, eight hours earlier, I told her, “I love that song.” I was delighted that she sang it for us, truly a gift, a message from God through Crystal. Silently I’d said to myself if she plays it again I’ll get up. I’ll move forward, I’ll say yes and let God change my life. Now she’s playing it. Now I have to let something be done for me.

I loved hearing her sing that song it when she first took over on piano at evening service and communion was being offered, and here this Sunday she’s sung it once and is about to sing it again. I know that God is telling me to move and I do, I can’t deny Him any longer. Suddenly up and moving it’s easy; and into trusted arms I go. I go into the arms of my Pastor and Kayla and I step with them at my sides, finally, into the arms and warm, tender embrace of my God. The God who loves me and who knew on this Sunday, at this time, at this moment, I would choose to say yes again but as a man.

My glasses come off, tears are falling, not sad but joyous tears, tears of relief, my pain, my anguish, my mistrust are all washed away with three handfuls of water and very powerful words of affirmation. Saying those words out loud as a man is wondrously empowering, like a weight lifted off my shoulders and an easing of my mind.

It’s all right now. I’m not a ten year old boy holding my well intentioned and loving Nana’s hand as I say to her Preacher that I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. The ten year old boy saying those words didn’t know what they meant. He didn’t understand the depth of the gift, the sacrifice that was made for him at Calvary. He didn’t comprehend the fact that if he and Jesus were the only two to walk the face of the Earth, that his God would have sent Jesus to die for his sins on the cross at Calvary so that he could be reconciled with God. He didn’t understand that more than anything God wants his people, all people to be at peace with themselves, with each other and with God, their father. The ten year old boy is gone and the forty three year old man, finally trusting says yes. He says yes to God, understanding the gift given to him so long ago, so far away by an eternal and ever present God. It is a gift of love, sacrifice, redemption and salvation.

The water just like the blood, and saying yes have washed away the painful years of running, denial and anger. He’d directed the anger at the world, those he “loved,” at himself and at God. Yet through all of it God waited, a silent witness, steadfastly standing in the corners of his mind, waiting for him to come home and say yes. God waited for this man to have the courage to say a simple three letter word, the word yes.

This forty three year old man knows on this healing Sunday, September 30, 2007, that his life is changed. His life changed for the best because it has been passed with friends at his side and behind him into the hands of a loving, generous, forgiving and eternal God. It isn’t over, but at the pause he’s tired, all of that running and anger have made him tired and the final relief of saying yes is like a warm soup made with loving hands heating up his soul.

Just a glimpse at part of my story
Michael Sullivan, REALTOR/Broker/SRES/E-Pro and
Believer