Estrangement is strange

Estrangement is…strange

It is amazing to me how years quickly melt away and how the agonizing pain of estrangement ebbs with the passing of time. Early in the alienation I would obsess with what actions I could take to fix the problem with my brother. I tried calling at first, that didn’t work. Then as I grew ever angrier and frustrated I would lash out in writing, mostly directed at my brother’s wife, who I still hold responsible to a large degree for the schism in my family. With the clarity of distance I see that she doesn’t bear the entire burden, most of it, but  not all of it.  My brother, who is using his silence and withdrawal of love as a weapon is responsible too. I wonder if this is how he practices his family counseling and if this is what they teach at Liberty University?

I suppose years ago I could have kept quiet, but in my mind that would have made me just as guilty in the premeditated attempt to destroy my nephew Julian’s life. The demand that was never spoken was that since my brother and his wife had disowned Julian, we the extended family was to do the same in lock step. Of course Julian just happened to get into a little trouble at the time and so we were also to join in the call to send him to jail.

My conscience would not let me do that; so based on cost/benefit analysis I spoke up and four years into my brother’s silence; this is the cost.  Would I do it again knowing what I know now?  I think so. There was so much more than Julian at play and based on my brother’s actions even if I’d said nothing, I think at some point we’d be where we are now.  I’m sure there would have been some sort of precipitating event. I suspect that my brother’s wife; getting all that she needed out of my parents, had decided that she was done with us.  She no longer needed my folk’s money, support and babysitting and we were now starting to call into question their actions as a “parents” and so, she was done and he went along with it.

Currently there is still drama because this Lynchburg cadre won’t turn Julian’s final adoption decree over to my nephew. Julian wants to travel back to Uganda to see friends. The US State department won’t issue a passport without the final decree.  My mom requested that my brother give it over and my brother refused.  There is a blow up brewing because of this horribly bad behavior. Julian is an adult and they are still abusing him.

My mom now stands accused of not respecting some never articulated boundary in asking for Julian’s writ of adoption.  This is all part of the brain screw that they play. It’s like; there are many rules, we’re not going to tell YOU what the rules are; but, you will know that you violated a rule when we punish you. Additionally, some rules will require very strict punishment and others won’t, but the severity of punishment will change when we see fit. Oh, we won’t tell you when that’s going to happen either.

So, my brother and I are estranged because I was honest.  The situation inside my family is sad.  It’s sad for my folks, it’s sad for Jasmine and Julian and I can guess on some level it’s sad for my brother. Can I change any of this? No. Do I want to? No, because it would mean being a part of the lunacy.

I'm sure a quick study will undertand why this photo was put in this post.

How do you get into Heaven?

Here is an interesting idea, I’m not worried about getting into heaven by the deeds that I do here on Earth.

In reading, “How Good is Good Enough” by Andy Stanley, the question is asked, what do you need to do to get into heaven? A child in a Sunday school class answers, be dead. This got me to thinking and chewing on the notion and hope of getting into heaven. Philippians 3:20 says, But our citizenship (actually our real homeland) is in heaven, and it is from there that we are expecting a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. As an evangelical follower of the Christ there is no task that I can complete, no good deed to do, that can get me into Heaven.

In reality, right now, and hopefully forever, I won’t have to worry about the end or eternity in heaven, it is far more important to live a Christ centered life here and now. Christ’s gift enables us for lack of a better word to only fret about today and what is directly before us, he says so. By his passion, crucifixion, death, time in Hell and resurrection Christ gave us the ultimate gift. He, fully God and fully man reconciled us to God, his father, the creator. By his deed, God’s deed, the plan, we have been given the everlasting joy of eternal life and salvation and all we have to do is believe, ask for it, ask for forgiveness and then model it to the best of our ability while trapped here on Earth.

I am not suggesting that we live willy nilly without discernment, planning, holiness and calculation but rather a more truly faithful and holy life. Christ’s gift challenges us to holiness not only in deed but in word. Matthew 12:37, for by your words you will be justified and by your words condemned, so to those who crucify with words, think first. Then when it comes to deeds, Jesus says in Matthew 5:9, Blessed are the peacemakers, for they well be called children of God. Peace on this level can be boiled down to a whole host of actions, feeding the hungry, sheltering the homeless, comforting those in pain and modeling Christ’s life through action.

All of this thought about Heaven and Hell leaves me wondering about those protestors who I saw at N.C. Pride yesterday. Did they think that shrieking at us through bull horns and berating us with their belief that we were going to Hell helped any of us? How do they reconcile the words of Jesus Chris in Matthew 12: 37? How do they reconcile that God is Love, Jesus is Love and we are to love one another as we love ourselves and above all else love God. Do they really think that telling another human being and child of God that they are going to Hell is a loving helpful action?

I used to become agitated, angry and furious with these folk. No more, I now pray for them all. I pray that they see that by word and deed we are to love our fellow human beings and only by doing so do we guarantee a place for ourselves in heaven. Day to day we must strive for holiness…wholiness if that fits better, and makes better sense. You see that in and of it self is the task and deed to get us to Heaven’s gate and beyond. We go to the creator, humbly and ask for forgiveness and professing our belief. It has only to do with us, self and no one else. There is where so many others, the verbal crucifiers, the physical crucifiers miss their mark. They’re not worrying about themselves, they are abusing others and nowhere in the New Testament does Christ God the Messiah abuse the beloved chosen.

Now, I feel a profound sadness when I read the likes of John McCann or see the screamers at NC Pride, they are not helping people by showing them a Christ like attitude but rather they perpetuate the notion that there is no place in a Christian world for outcasts and folk on the margin. The reality, Christ made it perfectly clear in his ministry that the marginal are those precisely whom we are called to serve. If we serve them, if we befriend them, if we save them then they will to know how to get into Heaven, and in by doing so at the end perhaps God with Jesus at his right hand will say to us, “Well done.”