Well I
really don’t know…
Perhaps it
was the fact that my forty ninth birthday had just passed. That I have had the
realization that this party called life is beyond halfway over and that the
slow slide to the finish line, really isn’t slow at all. Maybe it was the realization that
Thanksgiving and November 28th marks what would have been Nana’s one
hundred and second birthday and she’s been gone two months. Then again, December 1 was World AIDS Day and
thirty one tragic years have passed since this killer was named.
Whatever it was;
yesterday left me emotional and weepy. It didn’t help that I watched a good
portion of Angels in America; a movie that to this day instills abject terror
in me. The story has so many threads that weave indelible scars throughout my
life’s story. I have lived the story. I
have faced that terror. I still face those terrors.
You see,
John, my John didn’t die of brain cancer. Well actually he did, but the
underlying cause was AIDS. Wow, I’ve said it. John has been dead for nearly
fourteen years. I held him as he died and he died of AIDS. There, now I’ve said
it, twice. It’s time for me to come out of the closet again and face this
reality head on. There is so much to do and I feel as if I need a cause. I need
to step up and step out because until people like I do; this madness will
continue.
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