Bocci observations

On Friday evening I met my group of very close friends at Bocci here in Durham NC. Here is the web site for Bocci, http://www.bocciitalian.com The food was wonderful, the conversation scintillating and the weather on the patio warm but not over powering.

As we dined and talked I was struck by what a difference forty years can make in a society and culture. When I was a child and if we happened to go out to eat, which wasn't often at all, we simply didn't have the extra income or time; I was expected to stay seated at the table with my parents and demonstrate good table manners and not impose on any one for any reason especially Larry and Eleanor, my parents.

My brother and I were not permitted to run around the restaurant or to simply "do our own thing." Whilst sitting in Bocci, there were several tables populated by families with younger children. All of these tables bar none allowed their offspring to, well, run a muck. One table in particular found the fact that the young ladies with them could for reasons unknown to me, strip down the decorative Magnolias in the courtyard at the restaurant. These children repeatedly ventured to the shrubs and all but assaulted them, denuding the lower branches of the bushes and depositing the leaves on the family dining table.

In fact one adult even arose from her seat to help the little princesses in their plunder of the bushes. What I find amazing is that none of the adults, presumably parents, at the table found anything wrong with the destruction of another persons property. In fact NO ONE SAID ONE THING TO CORRECT THIS ABHORRENT behavior. Their wine, their food, their conversation was simply too important to pay attention to THEIR CHILDREN except to aid and abet after the destruction was already out of hand.

Of course I could write a novella about the little boys "playing Bocci," and where one of the large game balls ended up sailing across the dining patio and went crashing into the building with an ear splitting crack...but alas that is a different story. Those parents...on cloud nine too.

Which leads me to this...in fifteen years when these girls and boys are at driving age will they be part of the maniacal horde of tailgating, texting, cut you off to get there first drivers who lack any and all common decency? Will these children grow up to be the toss your litter on the ground because someone else will deal with it generation of socially inept barbarians? Will these and other children grow up to have the attention span of a gnat that needs constant outside entertainment to feel engaged? I sure hope not, but I can't help but wonder and to some extent be afraid.

Bad behavior?!?!

What is it about folks who behave badly and perhaps cheat, lie, steal and manipulate and then when caught turn themselves into the victim?

This week I discovered that a buyer client of mine was poached by another agent in my office. The buyer knew that he'd behaved badly because once I had discovered what was going on he started stalking me electronically. The other agent knew that her actions were wrong because she made her actions known to me in a very public setting where had I reacted at all I would have looked bad and embarrassed a guest to our office.

What is most disturbing about both of these people is that they to some degree have tried to turn themselves into the "victim" in all of this. The agent so; by becoming over wrought by the fact that I won't discuss this with her. You see, the damage is done, I don't need to discuss what's happened, I don't need to subject myself to bad or inappropriate behavior, I just won't do it. I'll forgive, but I won't forget and why should I? As for my former client/friend, the same is true, he's left me a message where he's all but blamed me for his behavior in one breath and in the next offered to "make it up to me."

I don't want to be made up to. It is too late on both counts for respect, which is what I did and do want. In each instance each one of these people could have come to me before hand and explained what they wanted to do and we would have come up with a plan from there. That being said, I will not subject myself to bad behavior and then after the fact be painted the wrong doer and be expected to assuage collective guilt.