Rude...

Rude...

How does one battle rude in a society where rude, boorish behavior has become the norm? Of course it is so easy to leap right to a place of rudeness when confronted with a barbaric behavior, thus rendering the victim the perpetrator. Additionally, if one speaks too often about the slights that one has endured or observed then one paints himself as a perpetual victim, which he is not.

That said; let’s look at Sunday, yesterday as an example. A friend and I were headed to the farmer’s market and were on a one way street and approaching a traffic light, a green traffic light where a man in a pick up truck had exited his vehicle and walked to a vehicle behind him to carry on a conversation in the roadway. What on Earth would make a person think that this is an appropriate action to take; blocking a lane of traffic and scoffing at the law and making the other users of the roadway either wait or go around?

At the farmer’s market my friend was purchasing a lovely bouquet of fresh flowers and the vendor was diligently helping him. A woman approached and waited all of four seconds before she interrupted the vendor and engaged the vendor is a five minute conversation about various flowers, their prices and characteristics; taking the vendor away from her task and making a customer, my friend, wait. In the end the woman walked off without buying anything. My observation, she never had any intention of making a purchase, she felt entitled to interrupt and she did just that.

Fast forward three hours to my weekly shopping at Kroger, where countless other shoppers parked their carts in the center of the aisles blocking all other shoppers; where other shoppers, mobile telephone to ear walked up and down the center of aisles oblivious to other people and even in some instances forcing others “out of their way.” This act is played out daily on our roads and highways too where if one is not driving fast enough, then one is tailgated and forced to move out of the way or off the road. Where getting there first often means that I will kill you or put you in harm’s way to do so.

The fix for these problems starts at infancy. Parents in our society have failed. We have raised generations of me first, ego centric, brutes that care only for their rights but take little if any responsibility and have no clue or understanding of what it is to be a lady or gentleman. We have failed to teach generations to let others go first, to say thank you in stores when a purchase is made, to move over and let others pass and to wait one’s turn. Is it any wonder that our roadways are strewn with litter? Why someone else will pick it up. Is it any wonder that all too often a gun, knife or ax is picked up to do in a family member or co-worker or neighbor? It is indeed a sad, sad state.

Not Alone

Wow, what a concept. I'm not alone. I had dinner last night with two fine fellows who are becoming friends. We can talk art, art history, we listened to piano, we ate sushi. Mine was completely cooked the sushi that is. I just cannot bring myself to down raw fish. The evening was a delight. My Tuesday though, felt like I'd eaten my way through the day. Well...perhaps a bit more than normal. I'll compensate for that today.

Our conversation turned to family and as I recounted so of the tale, my friends each chimed in with stories of similar. Perhaps when adult siblings are too involved in one anther's lives there are problems. Truly this is well worth thinking about.

Silence and pain and a visit a day early

After July 3 I went looking to find out the whys and wherefores of silence and the silent treatment. Essentially I wanted to know what the motivation is for the use of such a damaging tool. There is no doubt in my mind where its use in my family has come from...it is foreign to us, so that really leaves just one person.

What I found was interesting and enlightening. Many people use the silent treatment as a self defense mechanism. A sort of...I don't want to deal with this so I will say nothing device. Yet others use this technique to inflict pain on others. The silent treatment actually causes physical pain; it affects the part of the brain that registers pain. This is why a time out is effective on children, they are ostracized, and ergo feel pain and want to be back part of things.

I'd expect that the danger in using the silent treatment on adults may have rather different outcomes and indeed the psychological journals that I read stated such and indeed there are very different gender outcomes too. The outcomes are typical but of course with any human behavior there is always room for the exception. Men tend to just deal with the silent treatment and to a large degree that's what I've done. I think. I have moved to a rather indifferent place with respect to my brother and his wife.

This isn't to say that I'm not baffled at times. July 3rd was just one of those times. In the end, I figured it out and in the end my conclusions are pretty much in line with what's been typical in the last twenty years and to that end I feel...well...a little sad but mainly indifferent.

April Randomness

Still silence from Lynchburg and still silence in Durham. My silence is not anger, just patience. Enough said.
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A potential client really rattled my cage yesterday. Unfairly I believe. Honesty is a tough lesson for some; for many. A fraud was mentioned and I very diplomatically pointed out that the intent was such. At first I thought the mention was innocent, not knowing, but then two days later some anger directly my way with accusations of not listening, not being tuned in and not paying attention to details. Huh, the very thing that I was doing; cluing right into a detail; so in my perception an incongruity.

My first reaction to lash back, but common sense prevailed and I logically outlined my position and that was that. This person not to be outdone had to have the last word and final shot. My reaction, to launch a thermonuclear email and really burn the bridge, leave nothing standing. God and friends intervened and I paused, stepped back and prayed.

It isn't my job to help this person see her failings, shortcomings or dishonest behaviors, that is for her and all of us to work out on our own in our own time. My job is to stand my ground, have my say; which may indeed NOT be the last word and learn that my lot is NOT to thermonuclear a relationship but to let it pass, turn right onto the high road and move on. If she ever gets it, terrific, if not well I suppose that's terrific too; my concern is that I get it.

Room for Everyone

At God’s table there is room for everyone, all of God’s saints, all of God’s lost, all of God’s broken people.

The path to this table is straight and smooth, the mountains along the way low.

So why then do some of us, burn books drawing divide among us?

Why do some who profess to be us, by their actions inflict pain and suffering?

Why do those some by their actions block the path to this table, this feast, this reconciliation, this communion with God and one another?

We should remember these words; Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you so that you may be children of your God in heaven: for God makes the sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous.

So come to this table, eat and drink. Remember and pray for those who haven’t found their way yet for in these actions we find Christ.

Lesson Learned

I knew in December when our tenant had applied and filled out a lease that there would be trouble with these landlords and indeed I tried to remove my self from their employ. They’d been clear that they were not interested in making any repairs to their home in Hillsborough, NC and had made a greedy grab for more security deposit.

Sadly, I didn’t follow my gut and allowed the husband to talk me into working for them. It’s easy not to repair a ramshackle home when one is comfortably out of site, five hundred or so miles away in New Jersey. From that distance water leaks from an upstairs bath to a laundry room below, moldy cupboards, gaps in exterior door ways, fogged windows and unreliable heating systems don’t seem so bad. The distance makes all of these issues abstract and unreal because from that far a field one doesn’t have to face an uncomfortable tenant.

In my position, having to look a tenant in the eye and listen to her explain that SHE believes that she’s been sick since moving in because of mold, or that she feels frustrated because one of the two bathrooms in a home that she’s rented doesn’t work is painful. People typically hire me to handle these problems; but these folks from New Jersey clearly didn’t and sadly, I allowed that to happen.

As of yesterday, I am no longer in their employ, they dismissed me; truthfully, I’m relieved and indeed I had decided that March 1; that I’d remove myself from the employ of the landlord. They did, indeed beat me to the punch, but this isn’t such a bad thing. In the future, I will go with my gut and stick to my standards; if I am being hired to manage a property then, I must insist on the tools necessary to do so.

Paintings 2011

I haven't been writing much, I've been painting.