Changes in the weather

In the image, Me and John, Kim and her baby Kate.

Changes in the weather

I love autumn and dislike autumn at the same time. The clear air, void of haze and humidity and the brilliant light take me to back to happy times. John and I became an item in the fall. I felt renewed and complete once that happened. I was able to cope with the suicide of my friend Kim because John was there for me. Kim killed herself on October 29, 1992 and that event officially closed a significant chapter in my life and was the preamble to another.

When the light changes and the air clears my mind turns to Kim and John, two people I have been closest to in my life and both gone. In a way, both gone by choice whether rational or irrational, but both gone, and what’s left, a void. In both cases when they died, I wondered if I’d ever be able to cope with and reconcile the holes left in my life. I really haven’t, those holes never fill in you just learn not to tumble into them.

Last night I got to wondering about Heaven and meeting back up with John there. I wondered if he’d be there as a 35 year old man, the age he was when he died. I wondered what his reaction would be to me, a man greater in years than 46; or would our reunion transcend age and be a reunion of soul and spirit? I thought about Kim and if Heaven would bring mental clarity and peace or if she’d be even more damaged by regret and pain.

I suppose my prayer is that my reunion with both is just one of joy and peace and a homecoming of happy soul and spirit. I long desperately to tell them both so much and as a matter of fact that is one of my recurring dreams.

I reunite with John and we’re at the Parade, a club in New Orleans. I have so much to tell him, but he doesn’t speak or want to speak, he just wants to hold me and dance. The light is crisp pouring through the windows, brilliant and autumn clear, the music thumps and we dance. We dance in New Orleans a place of exuberant happy memories and warmth and that’s it. Well hopefully... perhaps.

I am ashamed to be a North Carolinian

RALEIGH, N.C. — The North Carolina House of Representatives will decide Monday whether to put a ban on same-sex marriage before voters next year, Speaker Thom Tillis said.

The General Assembly reconvened at noon, and a House committee quickly agreed to bring the measure to the floor. The bill would allow voters to decide whether to change the state constitution to define marriage as between one man and one woman.
Thom Tillis said he expected the measure to pass with the required three-fifths vote — or 72 representatives — of the House, which would mean some Democrats joined the Republican majority in voting for the measure. The House must vote yes twice before it can move on to the Senate.
Voters could see it on the ballot during the May primary election. (WRAL Sept. 12, 2011)

So how do I respond to this without becoming emotional? When across the south Jim Crow Laws were on the books abridging the rights of African Americans; people in favor of those laws believed that they were right and in many instances would have laid down their lives to defend the indefensible. Now the State legislature in North Carolina stands all but ready to turn the abrogation of rights, of a segment of the population, over to popular vote. I am sure that large sections of the population will indeed vote to constitutionally ban same sex marriage and union, the clarion call being that the Bible states that marriage is the union of one man and one woman. We won’t even go into the fact that through out the Old Testament there are marriages of multiples.

I am a human; I am made in God’s image as all humans are. I am called to be what God has called me to be as all human beings are called. That’s what I believe. That’s what all fundamental Bible believers believe. Then why if this is the case can they, those believers not grasp, accept, comprehend that not everyone will be made to look and live as they do? Why then can they not grasp, comprehend that to abrogate the rights of some is not a loving Christian thing to do? Jesus said [Love God with all your heart, mind and soul and love your neighbors as you love yourself.]

Would then a loving person take such drastic measures to make it a matter of law to abrogate another’s rights? I think not.

So this is why today I am ashamed to be a North Carolinian

Rude...

Rude...

How does one battle rude in a society where rude, boorish behavior has become the norm? Of course it is so easy to leap right to a place of rudeness when confronted with a barbaric behavior, thus rendering the victim the perpetrator. Additionally, if one speaks too often about the slights that one has endured or observed then one paints himself as a perpetual victim, which he is not.

That said; let’s look at Sunday, yesterday as an example. A friend and I were headed to the farmer’s market and were on a one way street and approaching a traffic light, a green traffic light where a man in a pick up truck had exited his vehicle and walked to a vehicle behind him to carry on a conversation in the roadway. What on Earth would make a person think that this is an appropriate action to take; blocking a lane of traffic and scoffing at the law and making the other users of the roadway either wait or go around?

At the farmer’s market my friend was purchasing a lovely bouquet of fresh flowers and the vendor was diligently helping him. A woman approached and waited all of four seconds before she interrupted the vendor and engaged the vendor is a five minute conversation about various flowers, their prices and characteristics; taking the vendor away from her task and making a customer, my friend, wait. In the end the woman walked off without buying anything. My observation, she never had any intention of making a purchase, she felt entitled to interrupt and she did just that.

Fast forward three hours to my weekly shopping at Kroger, where countless other shoppers parked their carts in the center of the aisles blocking all other shoppers; where other shoppers, mobile telephone to ear walked up and down the center of aisles oblivious to other people and even in some instances forcing others “out of their way.” This act is played out daily on our roads and highways too where if one is not driving fast enough, then one is tailgated and forced to move out of the way or off the road. Where getting there first often means that I will kill you or put you in harm’s way to do so.

The fix for these problems starts at infancy. Parents in our society have failed. We have raised generations of me first, ego centric, brutes that care only for their rights but take little if any responsibility and have no clue or understanding of what it is to be a lady or gentleman. We have failed to teach generations to let others go first, to say thank you in stores when a purchase is made, to move over and let others pass and to wait one’s turn. Is it any wonder that our roadways are strewn with litter? Why someone else will pick it up. Is it any wonder that all too often a gun, knife or ax is picked up to do in a family member or co-worker or neighbor? It is indeed a sad, sad state.

Not Alone

Wow, what a concept. I'm not alone. I had dinner last night with two fine fellows who are becoming friends. We can talk art, art history, we listened to piano, we ate sushi. Mine was completely cooked the sushi that is. I just cannot bring myself to down raw fish. The evening was a delight. My Tuesday though, felt like I'd eaten my way through the day. Well...perhaps a bit more than normal. I'll compensate for that today.

Our conversation turned to family and as I recounted so of the tale, my friends each chimed in with stories of similar. Perhaps when adult siblings are too involved in one anther's lives there are problems. Truly this is well worth thinking about.

Silence and pain and a visit a day early

After July 3 I went looking to find out the whys and wherefores of silence and the silent treatment. Essentially I wanted to know what the motivation is for the use of such a damaging tool. There is no doubt in my mind where its use in my family has come from...it is foreign to us, so that really leaves just one person.

What I found was interesting and enlightening. Many people use the silent treatment as a self defense mechanism. A sort of...I don't want to deal with this so I will say nothing device. Yet others use this technique to inflict pain on others. The silent treatment actually causes physical pain; it affects the part of the brain that registers pain. This is why a time out is effective on children, they are ostracized, and ergo feel pain and want to be back part of things.

I'd expect that the danger in using the silent treatment on adults may have rather different outcomes and indeed the psychological journals that I read stated such and indeed there are very different gender outcomes too. The outcomes are typical but of course with any human behavior there is always room for the exception. Men tend to just deal with the silent treatment and to a large degree that's what I've done. I think. I have moved to a rather indifferent place with respect to my brother and his wife.

This isn't to say that I'm not baffled at times. July 3rd was just one of those times. In the end, I figured it out and in the end my conclusions are pretty much in line with what's been typical in the last twenty years and to that end I feel...well...a little sad but mainly indifferent.

April Randomness

Still silence from Lynchburg and still silence in Durham. My silence is not anger, just patience. Enough said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A potential client really rattled my cage yesterday. Unfairly I believe. Honesty is a tough lesson for some; for many. A fraud was mentioned and I very diplomatically pointed out that the intent was such. At first I thought the mention was innocent, not knowing, but then two days later some anger directly my way with accusations of not listening, not being tuned in and not paying attention to details. Huh, the very thing that I was doing; cluing right into a detail; so in my perception an incongruity.

My first reaction to lash back, but common sense prevailed and I logically outlined my position and that was that. This person not to be outdone had to have the last word and final shot. My reaction, to launch a thermonuclear email and really burn the bridge, leave nothing standing. God and friends intervened and I paused, stepped back and prayed.

It isn't my job to help this person see her failings, shortcomings or dishonest behaviors, that is for her and all of us to work out on our own in our own time. My job is to stand my ground, have my say; which may indeed NOT be the last word and learn that my lot is NOT to thermonuclear a relationship but to let it pass, turn right onto the high road and move on. If she ever gets it, terrific, if not well I suppose that's terrific too; my concern is that I get it.

Room for Everyone

At God’s table there is room for everyone, all of God’s saints, all of God’s lost, all of God’s broken people.

The path to this table is straight and smooth, the mountains along the way low.

So why then do some of us, burn books drawing divide among us?

Why do some who profess to be us, by their actions inflict pain and suffering?

Why do those some by their actions block the path to this table, this feast, this reconciliation, this communion with God and one another?

We should remember these words; Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you so that you may be children of your God in heaven: for God makes the sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous.

So come to this table, eat and drink. Remember and pray for those who haven’t found their way yet for in these actions we find Christ.